![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tulip04 on September 26, 2004, at 7:47:31
I'm hoping someone out there can help me with this... I was in a relationship for 4 years, he moved in during the last year and it all went downhill from there. Quick story, I loved this man with all of my heart and truly trusted him. One day he just decided to leave -- and I had no idea why.. After about 6 months I began to cope and deal with him just not having the maturity to deal with an intimate relationship -- it was hard though because he was very intimate with me, constantly hugging and holding me and telling me how much he loved me.
About two months ago, we talked through email and he finally told me the truth about what happened. He had cheated on me and was consumed by guilt. I found out later he might have been cheating on me for awhile and I had no idea. I feel so betrayed like I was living with someone I didn't even know.
My problem is that since I've found out, I've been consumed by anger. Anger towards him, anger towards myself for not getting out sooner. I have these dreams constantly about confronting him and wake up aggitated. I feel like this anger is never going to go away. Its been over a year since the breakup yet I feel like I'm dealing with it all over again. I feel like those years were a lie and I was totally fooled. How do I move past this? My friends are completely sick of hearing about it -- which I can completely understand, its been a year since he left, so I don't talk about it much, but its consuming my life. How do I get over this anger without a way to vent it out?
Posted by Catgirl on September 26, 2004, at 20:05:48
In reply to Anger -- will it go away????, posted by tulip04 on September 26, 2004, at 7:47:31
Are you in any kind of talk therapy? That might help you work through the issue and put it to bed.
Good luck.
Posted by just plain jane on September 27, 2004, at 18:40:30
In reply to Anger -- will it go away????, posted by tulip04 on September 26, 2004, at 7:47:31
I know it may seem unbelievable, but I find that this forum IS a good place to "vent it out", whether or not anyone ever replies to my posts.
I just never used to tell anyone ANYTHING negative about my relationships, I'd only say what a good person he truly was, or point out something favorable he did. Not ONE word about their abuse, nothing bitter, no matter how bad things were.In a way, that was my own personal victory... no revenge, no stooping to badmouthing (even though everything I could have said would have been plain facts - not attitude).
BUT I think the relationship I just ended was "the straw" 'cause this camel's back is just tired of trying.
I got to rant yesterday about my grand finale, which wasn't so grand; just rattling on about it in a "public" place, as this is, got me a head start on relief.
And I haven't even shaved off the moldy outer layer of my ire yet. But I imagine I'll post some more of my angry blather.
Felt like a fool for the whole time we were together, so you're not alone on that one. He's a born and well-trained manipulator and I fellllllllllll eyes wide open bought and paid for it.
So I've had a pretty (un)healthy anger at myself.
Let it rip!!!
I'm readin'
(so will everybody else 'cause the ranting and juicy stuff are like dessert - irresistible)\:-}
just plain jane
Posted by tulip04 on September 28, 2004, at 22:23:30
In reply to A good vent » tulip04, posted by just plain jane on September 27, 2004, at 18:40:30
Thanks just plain jane!
I really enjoyed your reply! Its good to know we can all fall head over heals for something so wrong. In the long run, I know this is one mistake I will definately learn from and hopefully not let happen again.
Posted by Susan47 on September 28, 2004, at 22:55:29
In reply to A good vent » tulip04, posted by just plain jane on September 27, 2004, at 18:40:30
I left my present ex a few mnths ago and haven't told anyone how much I hate him sometimes. It's a frightening feeling and I'm fortunate I can walk away from him when it gets bad. Our children reside with him though and I can't afford to hate him when they're around. Istuff it down until I get out to the car and then it's OUT and my T never even knew how I felt about him. I was a good girl.
Posted by just plain jane on September 28, 2004, at 23:36:00
In reply to Re: A good vent, posted by Susan47 on September 28, 2004, at 22:55:29
Your children are with him...
Now that must suck suck suck suck suck!!!Not only to have to "visit" your own children, but to have to interact with the former Mr. when you despise him so heartily.
My sympathies are with you.
just plain jane
Posted by Susan47 on September 29, 2004, at 8:06:26
In reply to vent, woman, vent!! » Susan47, posted by just plain jane on September 28, 2004, at 23:36:00
I mostly feel sorry for him. :[
BUT yesterday I realized this thing... I allow people (IRL, not here) to walk all over me and then I lie down and ask them to do it again. Not literally, of course. Even my children have very few limits, and treat me like Sh**. Now that they're living with their dad, it's not as easy for them though. Now that I'm gone, I'm appreciated more than ever. Plus I'm setting limits and making demands, but why oh why didn't I know this thirty years ago?
Posted by jlbl2l on October 10, 2004, at 15:21:31
In reply to Anger -- will it go away????, posted by tulip04 on September 26, 2004, at 7:47:31
that is exactly what happened to me, almost exactly. Tough situation indeed.
Posted by sjb on October 12, 2004, at 9:36:09
In reply to Anger -- will it go away????, posted by tulip04 on September 26, 2004, at 7:47:31
Writing about it helps, as is allowing yourself to feel the anger. I'm in DBT therapy which teaches this kind of stuff and it really does help when practiced, which I don't always do, admittedly.
I would start with a letter addressed to him and just let it fly. Use every filthy word that comes to mind, don't worry about grammar, spelling, etc. Just write and write. Throw it out, burn it, bury, whatever, when you're done.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.