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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 4:20:31
My 6 yr old son has ADHD combined. After doing some research, I can now understand why little things like getting dressed can take so long. I have done all the "physical" things to make life easier for him. I have cut the labels from his clothing. I buy him zip up tops instead of pullovers. I have uncluttered his room and help him to keep it tidy. I watch his diet. He earns money to open his first bank account by getting points on a roster system that I drew up for him. I did this to try and help him with his daily routine and behaviour.
OK, so I have covered the basics but I am failing miserably at being patient with him. I try my utmost to be tolerant but when he doesn't do things quickly enough, I just blow up at him. Shouting at a kid with ADHD? Yeah - that helps!
He chatters on INCESSENTLY and I have caught myself screaming at him to shut up. He makes my head spin, it's just too noisy. How can I expect him to understand my mind needs peace and quiet to exist?
I have tried all the parenting advice, tips and learned skills and nothing seems to be working. He defies me time and time again. He has little respect for me.
I do praise him very often. Even for things considered by most to be normal. For example, if bathtime happens without a fuss to get him there and then a fuss to get him out then I thank him and tell him how nice it made me feel. Before ADHD I would tell him that he didn't do anything extraordinary, it's the way it should always be done.
My relationship with him, or more importantly, his relationship with me, is going to suffer in the long run. I have such an intolerant personality and don't know how to eaze up within the bounds of discipline and within what is right and what is wrong.
Academically, he is very smart and medication has helped him settle down enough to complete tasks. Emotionally, he is smart to a certain degree and I think picks up on more than I realise. I am terrified of what my depression and anxiety are doing to him. I don't know how to instill a sense of normalcy in his life.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Sabrina
Posted by ron1953 on October 6, 2004, at 7:56:23
In reply to I'm not being a very good mother, posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 4:20:31
Sabrina:
My ex and I "successfully" raised a very active and chattery boy. In my opinion, your son sounds quite normal. I've always had a problem with the ADHD diagnosis because there is an unreasonable expectation for boys to be able to be still for long periods of time, especially in school. ADHD diagnosis or not, children need consistent and reasonable limits to be set by the parents. Instead of me espousing my thoughts, I highly recommend reading everything you can get your hands on written by John Rosemond. His work will help you enormously dealing with your son and yourself. Please just trust me, go to the library or bookstore immediately and read about simple, logical and sane ways of dealing with parenthood.
Ron
Posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 8:05:19
In reply to Re: I'm not being a very good mother » saw, posted by ron1953 on October 6, 2004, at 7:56:23
Thanks Ron.
I have found his website in the meantime and will have a good look around.
Sabrina
Posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 8:18:27
In reply to Re: I'm not being a very good mother » ron1953, posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 8:05:19
Hi, I am flipping through here and just read your post. You are soooo normal. I have two children, one boy 12 and one girl 16. There are days I can remember screaming at my oldest and regret it deeply now. Things still get to me and I still react very much like you are. They do not have ADHD, but I, like some others let things get to me. Take the suggestion and read about parenting, because it follows you forever. The teenage years are really tough compaired to the younger years. ( I think) You will need those books to refer back on more than you know. Remember, you are parenting the only way you know how too right now. Nobody tells us how to be a good parent, and looking back I have much guilt about some of the things I have said and done with my children. Some things they don't remember because they are too young, but some they do and I don't want you to regret. Don't beat up on yourself. You are doing the best you can!
Posted by ron1953 on October 6, 2004, at 8:34:45
In reply to Re: I'm not being a very good mother » ron1953, posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 8:05:19
Sabrina:
I just visited the web site. I'd bet big bucks that Rosemond's Bill of Rights made you feel better already.
Ron
Posted by Colleen D. on October 8, 2004, at 9:27:32
In reply to I'm not being a very good mother, posted by saw on October 6, 2004, at 4:20:31
Sabrina,
I have a special needs son and I do many of the types of things for him that you do for child. All I can say is keep doing your best; that's all you can do and that "best" will change as your relationship with him changes.
Ron,
I printed out that "Bill of Rights" and posted it in my kitchen for frequent reference. :-)
Colleen
This is the end of the thread.
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