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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kay-Len on October 19, 2004, at 16:07:33
to eveyone:
I am feeling as if I don't deserve your help or posts.
I haven't been here in a long time and it was not in relationships, But my marrige is the one thing I cannot figure this out by myself.im just going to jump in.
My husband and I have been together almost 25 years.we began a biz together many years ago it has become very sucessful...everything up to that point I thought i had a real marrige a partnership...we were equals {in my mind only}.
As soon as we became solid and becan to make some real money, he one day says to me im out ..YOUR OUT OF THE BUSSINESS...i was in shock...He never ever gave me a clue that he was using me untill he could afford to hire a girl to be at his side as I was. In the same conversation he told me the biz was his life. He claimed he still loved me and that it was a separate thing the biz from marrige.I will try to shorten this...that was about 8-10 years ago...today I live part time with my husband and part time in another state ...I have had affairs...he has told me he hasnt but he has had an emotional affair with his secretary and has abused me terribly with her ...she has lied about me and he said she {the secretary}..would never lie to him ...your a blank blank..im embarrased to say alot of the things he has said to me. OH I think it should be said I never in a million years would have turned to someone eles if my husband had not turned away from me.
He has always said he loves me and doesnt want a divorce...at the same time i discoverd he was tapping all phone calls ..I didnt let on ..i began taping his office ..i heard him tell the secretary one day ...shes gotta go ..we gotta get rid of her...shes mad because she was cheating and i found out....then he goes on to reveal things that could get him in trouble..and cheat me out of my lifes work....he tells her hide all bank papers and stocks and insurance...bonds anything worth anything HIDE IT ..or she will ruin me..he told her..{once again but six years later i was in shock...ruining my husband was the last thing that had ever enterd my mind ...but i stayed calm i listened ..I heard where the hiding place would be ...and i played dumb ...and the first chance i got I obtained enough evidence to keep me comfortable for life and get him in trouble ..possibly prison time ..well when he discoverd what is now the evidence was gone {he knows I have it and copies and in very safe hands..}he says wants to make the marrige work...but thats all he does is talk...he seems happiest when im away..but it is truly atlast getting better.my problem is that I am so stupid to believe him and after his betrayal of our bussiness ...and he hated me untill i had evidence against him..and i believes he loves me ..even as I say i KNOW he couldnt and do the things he did ..my heart tells me he was insane at the time ...things like that ...ive had to leave out alot of good things about him to have room for what he did...i know im supposed to take responsibility for me but when your lied to and you really believe how can I take the blame for his wrong doing?..I want to stay home now and be with him...we are having our first grandchild very soon...i want my family back full time ...and at times i tear into him because i cannot forgive and forget what hes done ...the secretary is sitting at my {used to be}desk elbow to elbow with my husband ..they laugh ...they tell their secrets...im on the outside and she is STILL AT HIS SIDE....am I as stupid as I feel??
Is it stupid to want my family back again??I hope ive not got this so long its put anyone to sleep....
thank you ....any and all answers are wanted and needed....please.
Kay-len
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 19:28:06
In reply to I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by Kay-Len on October 19, 2004, at 16:07:33
gosh, that's quite a story.
you must have been in a lot of pain.
how did you make it through?
did you get support from anyone.how long ago where you on the psycho babble site?
take care
Jai
Posted by Kay-Len on October 20, 2004, at 13:17:23
In reply to Re: I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 19:28:06
> gosh, that's quite a story.
> you must have been in a lot of pain.
> how did you make it through?
> did you get support from anyone.
>
> how long ago where you on the psycho babble site?
> take care
> Jai
>
Hi, Jai
I have spent most of my time blaming my husband ...I felt and still do feel helpless..and I told lies...and tried to believe them myself....at one point he came to my house in another state gutted it and threw my possesions away at first with me watching ...then physicaly forcing me away...at the time I thought he could legaly do that. I don't think I have made it through im sitting in our house right now while he is in the office on the same property.
at one point I realized if I had someone to believe what is going on I would get some support...to my horror my sister told me my husband was great and something was wrong with me ....and another person told me of the horrors of divorce and being pennyless...I still don't have support because When I am at the other home i push it all away and pretend im alone .
I am guessing but I think it was approx 2 years ago that I was lurking here in psycho babble .
Thank You for commenting Jai,
Kay-Len
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 16:36:31
In reply to I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by Kay-Len on October 20, 2004, at 13:17:23
Hi Kay Len,
That sounds awful. Do you have a therapist you can talk too. It definitely sounds like you need some support.dazed
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 20, 2004, at 20:09:43
In reply to I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by Kay-Len on October 20, 2004, at 13:17:23
As the story unfolds it gets even more complicated. I think you would do well to have at least one person who understood what is and was going on for you.
there was a suggestion of maybe getting a therapist?
I know I would need support in your situation.Were you close to your sister before she made that comment about your husband?
Seems like you had wanted her support.
I have many sisters in my family and some are supportive and others not....just not.
keep in touch
Jai
Posted by Kay-Len on October 21, 2004, at 18:25:38
In reply to Re: I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 16:36:31
> Hi Kay Len,
> That sounds awful. Do you have a therapist you can talk too. It definitely sounds like you need some support.
>
> dazedThanks for the interest Dazed...I did have a therapist...coincicentally I just ran into him {his office is less than a mile from my home I have with husband}...I didnt go into anything but asked him if he has any openings ..told him im just here for a little while so he said of course and to call his receptionist...but I may not be able to wait if he isnt in tommorow. I will then maybe find one in my "home" away from "home"...Tha t is a good idea thank you ....I wish I had someone I could just tell the truth and the whole truth to...but if I began my story ...it would send a potential friend running :) I wouldn't blame them!!
Posted by Kay-Len on October 21, 2004, at 18:42:14
In reply to Re: I am living a double life...or am I surviving one, posted by Jai Narayan on October 20, 2004, at 20:09:43
> As the story unfolds it gets even more complicated. I think you would do well to have at least one person who understood what is and was going on for you.
> there was a suggestion of maybe getting a therapist?
> I know I would need support in your situation.
>
> Were you close to your sister before she made that comment about your husband?
> Seems like you had wanted her support.
> I have many sisters in my family and some are supportive and others not....just not.
> keep in touch
> Jai
>
>
>Hello Jia
I am learning first hand the saying "oh what a wicked web we weave when we begin to decieve"..or thats close anyway. I am stuck....I have always been close with my sister, at the same time knowing she can be a bit cold ...and we did have a wedge between for some time ...she still doesent want to take sides {her words}or talk about it ..If she knew I really don't have anyone to talk to she would listen ..but I wouldnt feel right knowing just to be a friend was an imposition to her...but she did say she understands now why i did what I did..that helped alot but I still need to UNLOAD...fess-up...purge..
Ive noticed how truly kind you are Jia and I want you to know I appreciate it a lot ...some days /nights it seems i can hardley breath because the lump in my throat gets tight...I sure never thought I would be in this kinda jam...opps someone coming in...bye and thank you very much
Kay-len
Posted by Kay-Len on October 21, 2004, at 18:57:03
In reply to Re: I am living a double life, posted by Kay-Len on October 21, 2004, at 18:42:14
to dazed ...and also Jia...I want to say thanks.
I just realized by being able to just let some of it out ..what im looking for and it is ...I am not sure if I should stay with my husband because I can't believe him and he may be completely honest but after being betrayed how would I know???And also mostly I want to come clean with my life....not neccessarily tell everyone I know the whole sordid story but at least to not have to keep on lying and acting ...I mean holy smokes...will the real me please stand up...ive got two homes each comes with a complete diferent life....how can I even begin to do that???...I can't even let hub go...and he is toxic for me ...I began laughing the other day because I mentioned divorce to him and him being fair...thats when I began laughing ..he says "what so funny?"..i said back,,,your NOT EVEN fair to me now and I think you may be fair if we were divorcing???...im smelling the coffee ..but I still need to wake up...oh and I think I forgot to mention im hypo/manic.....used to be full on bi/polar but im getting better since ive got a place of refuge now.
thanks again....
Kay-Len
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