Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by biohazard2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:45:25
i am so very sad. my wife left me on monday afternoon. before that she had left on saturday, angry with me and wouldn't talk. she came back on monday and packed up everything and took the cats, too. i have never cried so hard and begged in my life, however she still left me.
i am biopolar 2, and the breaking point was the drinking. i was manic friday night and had to resort to the beer to calm down after she went to bed. i'd say i drink every or every other friday. i am not abusive, just annoying.
she said i broke my promise and was leaving. we have been together for 5 years.
she called my sister and mother and told them to look after me, because i seemed at a point i would do something stupid.
my mom said i she told my sister that she was tired of me talking of my illness. and was tired of taking care of me. mom also added i was overweight and that played a factor. i have put on weight with the meds. i am sure you know the story.
i have done nothing but love her and take care of her with her migraines. which she has about every week. i never tire of taking care of her. i truely do love her, maybe too much some have said.
she later said while i was sobbing that we were no good for each other right now.
i feel like i am living in a surreal world. this isn't supposed to happen to me, just other couples.
she text'd me saying that she loved me and would call me. i don't know if i can talk to her without crying.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 26, 2004, at 14:32:23
In reply to my wife just left me....., posted by biohazard2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:45:25
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is perfectly understandable you would be so upset. Do you have someone who can support you like a therapist? Keep posting here...there are lots of supportive people.
dazed
Posted by biohazard2 on October 27, 2004, at 9:55:01
In reply to Re: my wife just left me....., posted by dazedandconfused on October 26, 2004, at 14:32:23
thx, dazed.
i see my p-doc on wednesday next week. he gave me a list of therapists to choose from. so i will set up an appointment today.
she called me last night. said she loved me, but didn't know when she would come back. and she wouldn't discuss the reasons why she was upset. i think the drinking was just the icing on the cake and gave a reason to leave.
she said she may come by friday. asked if i wanted to be there when she does. i told her of course i want to be there, i love you. i want to see you, i want you to come home.
Posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 20:13:36
In reply to Re: my wife just left me....., posted by dazedandconfused on October 26, 2004, at 14:32:23
Hi, I just read your message and I'm am truly sad for you. I feel your pain, because I went through it many years ago. You need to know, and this means alot, that she loves you. My first husband didn't still love me, so the question of us working out wasn't an option. Everyone makes mistakes, over and over, so don't let this get you to where you feel like it's completely over. Have you been to counceling together? I think that can be the biggest help, but you need to find the right therapist. Having read your postings, it seems as if she isn't sure that it's over. That gives me hope for you both. Did you say you had put on weight? Meds. do that to many people, don't let that get you down so far that you don't put forth the effort to make it work with her, if that's what you want. Beauty is soooooo skin deep, and at 42, it means nothing to me in chosing a partner. You seem as if you truly love her and I think maybe she knows that, so give her some time. (that's the hardest part) I'm the type person who wants and immediate answer, a quick fix, and sometimes the BEST for you isn't a quick fix. You ask why, well I do to....I just know that now I am married to a wonderful man (18yrs) and would have never at that time thought I would be. Take a deep breath and try not to panic, we are here to listen and help you through this. Agreed? -L
Posted by sunny10 on October 28, 2004, at 14:58:56
In reply to Re: my wife just left me..... » dazedandconfused, posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 20:13:36
> Hi, I just read your message and I'm am truly sad for you. I feel your pain, because I went through it many years ago. You need to know, and this means alot, that she loves you. My first husband didn't still love me, so the question of us working out wasn't an option. Everyone makes mistakes, over and over, so don't let this get you to where you feel like it's completely over. Have you been to counceling together? I think that can be the biggest help, but you need to find the right therapist. Having read your postings, it seems as if she isn't sure that it's over. That gives me hope for you both. Did you say you had put on weight? Meds. do that to many people, don't let that get you down so far that you don't put forth the effort to make it work with her, if that's what you want. Beauty is soooooo skin deep, and at 42, it means nothing to me in chosing a partner. You seem as if you truly love her and I think maybe she knows that, so give her some time. (that's the hardest part) I'm the type person who wants and immediate answer, a quick fix, and sometimes the BEST for you isn't a quick fix. You ask why, well I do to....I just know that now I am married to a wonderful man (18yrs) and would have never at that time thought I would be. Take a deep breath and try not to panic, we are here to listen and help you through this. Agreed? -L
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I agree COMPLETELY with stressor.
Your wife SAID you weren't good for each other RIGHT NOW. And it sounds like she is right. She needs to take control over her migraines- you need to take control over your meds. Yes, this is just IMO, I'm not a therapist or pdoc, but I'd say that if you feel that you NEED to self medicate by getting drunk, you need to talk to your pdoc.
Do that WHILE you set up an appointment with a marriage counsellor. Show your wife that you love her, too, by trying to fix what's wrong. She will see that you are trying, and hopefully she will try, too. My stepmother suffers from migraines and acts impossibly hostile to others while suffering. Does your wife do that to you? Do you tend to drink more to escape her hostility? (don't let me put things that aren't true into your head- this was MY reaction) Maybe, in a safe counselling atmosphere, you can explain to her how living with her illness affects you (even if it's not what makes you pick up that beer). Give her equal time to tell you how SHE feels about living with YOUR illness.
Neither of you are guilty of being bad people. And even in your pain, you passed along enough info for us to see that she loves you, and you love her.
Best of luck- we will support you as your cheerleaders 100% !
-sunny10
Posted by biohazard2 on October 29, 2004, at 13:28:48
In reply to Re: my wife just left me..... » dazedandconfused, posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 20:13:36
thank you stressor and sunny10,
you words of encouragement meant a lot to me. also, too, at home i have a good support group with family and friends to help me. the best is my longtime friend of 16 years. he has been taking me out to do things, so i just don't go to bed at 7:30 and wallow in self-pity and depression.
looking back i just think she's just tired of me, even though i told her upfront that i was 'crazy' before we even started dating.
for the past 7 months we never did anything, just sit around the house reading a book, watching tv or working on the computer. i would tell her that we needed to spend more time together doing things instead being isolated. i would demand (in a playful way of course) time together just laying in bed and talking.
and she would get up and leave after 10 minutes saying she didn't feel like laying in bed, or sitting on front porch.the more i think about it the angrier i get, i really tried and i still want this marriage to work. i just think she doesn't want to try to make it work. she said she doesn't want to go to therapy because i will blame it on being bipolar or some stuff and justify everything.
her sister in law, whom is a good friend told me that i might have smothered her with too much love and affection. that she is not used to a lot of responsiblity, and now she has to deal with me, an emotionally needy wingnut.
but this is all just speculation, because i haven't talked to her in a few days (and it has been killing me). so i really do not now what's going on in her head. when i did talk to her on the phone a few days ago i pressed her to talk about what was wrong with our relationship to bring this on and she said she was getting a headache and had to go.
and about 3 months ago, she had wanted to go on a vacation without me. she told me up front it would make me angry and it did. she said it was to get away from me for a while. so i guess all the hints are there, she wants out. she feels now that i am mentally stable enough to leave without me harming myself.
Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 14:31:47
In reply to Re: my wife just left me....., posted by biohazard2 on October 29, 2004, at 13:28:48
Posted by biohazard2 on November 8, 2004, at 7:19:33
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....How are you? (nm) » biohazard2, posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 14:31:47
hi sunny,
things aren't so good on the home front. i went on a two day bender and called her and her family drunk. which they just loved. they are very, very much against drinking, and have zero tolorence for it. i am going into counselling for drinking this thursday, he is also a bipolar specialist.
she told me yesterday that she was stoping our joint bank account, however she would not stop my insurance yet which is through her job. which i desparately need.
i think i will just give it some time, i will stop drinking. maybe i can call her in a few weeks to a month.
when we said our goodbyes on the phone i told her i loved her, and she just said bye twice.
Posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 11:28:13
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....How are you?, posted by biohazard2 on November 8, 2004, at 7:19:33
biohazard, sweetie, you keep mentioning that you really want to stop drinking and you KNOW it would be better for you AND your marriage if you stop.
Would you consider signing yourself into a rehab while the insurance is still viable?
I would truly love to see you with a happy ending on this one.
Do you have any questions that we can try to answer for you? I find that when I am "frozen" by indecision my friends help me make the right choices/give me the right answers to get me moving in the right direction. Can we help you?
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 12:06:03
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....How are you? » biohazard2, posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 11:28:13
Can I give you a virtual hug? I know how hard it is to not see booze as a comfort, which it feels like at the time. But today my head is swimming from the few glasses of wine I had last night with my girlfriend then got home and drank something yummy and desert-like on the rocks. Passed out for an hour or so then woke bright and bushy-tailed at around midnight, back to bed about two. Life is weird on the booze, I don't like it it makes me messy the next day. And depressed. But I'm struggling with a divorce too I just have to get IT together. Life is way better when I don't drink too much, hm-hm.
Posted by biohazard2 on November 30, 2004, at 14:10:28
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....How are you?, posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 12:06:03
thx, for the kind words.
sorry i haven't posted in a while i have been distracted by good things.
some good news is that i haven't been drinking, that part was easy. and while i missed it at first, i do not now.
anyway... i used to be an artist in a galaxy far far away. i have resarted that gift and am putting it to good use. in the 3 weeks that i have been drawing again, i have had an offer for a series of sketches, and also to contribute to a well known and established horror anthology. yippee!! so at least now i am busy, and will be for some time, past projects i put off, i am now completing. the talent was never lost, but the skill is slow to come back. but is is coming, and i couldn't be happier or prouder.
but there are still times of sorrow, like last night. she didn't call me, and that destroyed my motivation.
she came over saturday and brought me some leftover ham she cooked for thanksgiving, then she wanted to go shopping, so i did. i spent all of four hours with her. then she said she had to go spend some time with her mom, WHOM SHE LIVES WITH. wtf? (sorry, dr. bob)
i dunno, she has settled back into the routine of living with her mom like before she meet me. she has her and the cats. i have nobody in the house except for my connections to friends on the internet, so i am alone. but at least for the while i am productive.
i was thinking the other day, i don't know if i would even forgive her for abandoning me if she came back. i am bitter. but getting better, but not over her.
Posted by biohazard2 on December 2, 2004, at 9:56:15
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....How are you?, posted by biohazard2 on November 30, 2004, at 14:10:28
hi all,
well the artwork is not going good for the past 3 days. i have all intensions of drawing when i get home, then she doesn't call and i get bummed out and can't draw. i don't know if this is because i let my emotions control me or i have no persistance and am just lazy. however i do tend to do my work on the weekends, maybe i will this weekend. i really have to because my therapist suggested i get a hobbie, instead of her being my hobbie. i see him again next week, i see my p-doc in january.
~bio
Posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 12:01:04
In reply to Re: my wife just left me.....(update)., posted by biohazard2 on December 2, 2004, at 9:56:15
I'm sorry you are still feeling bummed, but am glad to hear that you are focussing a bit more on what you need, Bio, and taking care of yourself.
I, too, need to find a hobby, so let me know if you figure out what's fun, and I'll let you know if I figure something out!
Right now I'm doing tapestries for the stark white walls of our rented house so it doesn't feel like I live in a hospital!
-sunny10
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