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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Violet4EVR on October 30, 2004, at 2:11:58
Hello All,
I don't know if this should be redirected to another discussion board. I'm sure Dr. Bob will redirect if necessary.
Anyway, i've been on Effexor and Xanax (as take as needed) for about two years now. I am very reluctant to open up to people about being on the meds, due to the stigma attached to them. I am not ashamed of myself, just cautious about who finds out about my medical/mental condition within my tight-knit , close community. What people don't know, won't hurt them.
Due to the fact that I am fortunate enough to have a somewhat controlable case of anxiety, I did not feel the need to share my condition with my boyfriend. I have never freeked out in public, or had any significant incidents which would warrant me to tell him about my medication.
I was so taken off guard tonight, because he looked in my purse for a piece of gum, and found some Xanax pills. First he asked "what the heck is this stuff" and I told him (very reluctanlty) that is was Xanax. He didn't belive me!!!! I guess because he perceives me as being so "together." Anyway, he concluded himself that it must be the new allergy medicine i'm taking....and I just agreed with him......
I was sooo upset because right before he left he said to me " I didn't mean to accuse you of taking any illegal drugs...I just wanted to know if my baby is a Mental Patient."
I was so disappointed he said this...and I don't know why...I guess the negative tone of his voice when he said "Mental Patient" really hurt me.
I don't know what to do...Do I tell him everything? Should I keep him unaware?? ..Its not like we are getting married or anything, so I don't feel ultimately compelled to tell him (we've been dating 5 months).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm so upset and confused right now :'-(Thank so very much to all who reply.
Best Wishes,
Violet
Posted by sunny10 on October 30, 2004, at 11:30:42
In reply to PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax, posted by Violet4EVR on October 30, 2004, at 1:58:48
Does he think of himself as a funny person? Is he prone to making other prejudicial statements?
I understand your point of view (as I live it myself), but am not sure that I heard enough of your boyfriends "usual point of view" to react to your dilemna.
Can you descibe more about him in general?
-sunny10
Posted by chess on October 30, 2004, at 12:09:18
In reply to Re: PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax » Violet4EVR, posted by sunny10 on October 30, 2004, at 11:30:42
I've gone through the same thing with past girlfriends. Some people are more understanding than others, you're ultimately going to have to decide what kind of person you want to be with. He might be a little scared due to ignorance of mental illnes, but if he was to continue to make remarks that hurt you're feelings then I would advise you to find someone more compassionate, because believe me no one is perfect and I'm sure he's got some issues you don't know about.
Remember there's nothing wrong with making good choices for yourself, especially when it comes to who you decide to have a relationship with.
Posted by JenStar on October 30, 2004, at 23:21:52
In reply to PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax, posted by Violet4EVR on October 30, 2004, at 1:58:48
hi Violet,
I can understand completely about people not needing to know certain stuff. I feel the same way - meds are private, and there is no need for the community at large to know what I do and don't take! :)About your BF -- it's unfortunate that he didn't respond with the more desired "Whatever you need to take, I still love you and want to be with you, regardless of what kind of med it is."
But maybe he really WOULD think that once he reflects on it more.
Most people don't really understand Xanax or the need for meds until they get to know someone who needs it, and realize that the taker is normal, happy, cool, intelligent, put-together, and absolutely capable of grandeur (and just needs a bit of assistance from time to time!) There IS a big stigma about mental health, and often people joke when they're uncomfortable and don't know what else to say. Maybe he is not very self-secure and doesn't think he has enough depth and insight to help someone who might need it...(but might have it after all once he thinks it over!)
I'd recommend talking to him honestly, unless you want to break it off right now b/c he's not worth the truth or can't be trusted with it. But if you do think he's trusthworthy and has integrity, then you'll need to open up and tell him...and hopefully he'll see that it's not realy a big deal. (I mean, it IS, but it also isn't, in the sense that it's not a "dealbreaker", right?)
Anyway, if he DOESN'T respond with compassion once he knows all, then he's not worth it. But hopefully he will turn out to be very supportive.
Good luck. Keep us updated!
JenStar
Posted by Wildflower on October 31, 2004, at 14:44:37
In reply to PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax, posted by Violet4EVR on October 30, 2004, at 1:58:48
I know it's not easy when someone finds out in this scenario. If he believes that it's allergy medicine, leave it alone. You are not required to tell anyone until you're ready.
This happened to me a few years ago when my now-ex found my meds and freaked out. He yelled wanting to know why didn't he make me happy... According to him, all I need is him. After that comment, he took the pills from me, opened the bottle and threw them out my patio door. My point in telling you this is that things could have been a lot worse.
Posted by Joy on November 1, 2004, at 1:48:13
In reply to PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax, posted by Violet4EVR on October 30, 2004, at 1:58:48
Hi Violet,
I also take Xanax when necessary. I don't think you should say anything to your boyfriend at this point until later is your relationship. I
am sure his useing of the word 'mental' is not all as serious as it sounds. He was just being amusing in his mind most likely. Xanax is a legal drug, and many sane, happy people take it at times. I know how you feel about people not understanding. You'll know if and when the time is right to talk to him about it, but keep it private at this time [just my humble opinion]. Regards
Joy
Posted by J. Backer on November 1, 2004, at 13:11:47
In reply to Re: PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax » Violet4EVR, posted by Joy on October 31, 2004, at 12:11:57
i like to let any girl im with know after a coupla weeks of dating so there are no surprises. my current girlfriend didnt understand why i had to take amphetimines and effexor but eventually after talking with me she has a better idea. then again she also is nerotic and would benifit from medicine but is reluctant to try anything. except: Marajane, cocaine, speed and a slew of uppers and downers.
eitherway id tell him ASAP, there are situations that telling your love swomething might be a bad idea but this is defentually something he should accept and hopefully understand.peace J
Posted by Violet4EVR on November 1, 2004, at 22:05:06
In reply to Re: PLEASE HELP - my boyfriend found my Xanax » Violet4EVR, posted by JenStar on October 30, 2004, at 23:21:52
Hello Everyone,
Thank you all so much for responding to my situation....I find it difficult to discuss this with some of my friends, because even my friends do not know about my anxiety disorder.
Thank you so much for all of your support.
I've decided as of now, I'm not going to tell him anything yet.... I mean, we don't even say "I love you" yet, so I'm not gonna bring this more serious subject up.
I agree with you all that when I tell him, he should accept me for who and what I am (not perfect) and if he can't, than I'll have to find someone who will.
Thank you so very much once again..
I guess now I'm gonna see how long until I tell him about my anxiety...I guess only time will tell.Thank you again,
best wishes :)
Violet
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