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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tampagirl70 on January 4, 2005, at 16:13:01
What do you do when you're bored with your relationship? How do you make in interesting again? I'm obsessing about my marriage and how I think something's wrong and I'm analyzing everything I do and say to my husband. Advice? Experiences? Words of wisdom?
Posted by alexandra_k on January 5, 2005, at 18:13:38
In reply to How do you cure Marriage Boredom?, posted by tampagirl70 on January 4, 2005, at 16:13:01
Hmm. Kama Sutra?
Posted by Shortelise on January 7, 2005, at 12:58:21
In reply to How do you cure Marriage Boredom?, posted by tampagirl70 on January 4, 2005, at 16:13:01
In what way are you bored?
You have nothing new to say to one another?
Sex?
Daily routines?
What?
I find that when my husband and I do things apart, we have enough to say to each other. We have different friends, and different interests. It's great.
As for sex, well, apparently some couples have sex, good sex, I've heard it said - you let ME know if you figure that one out.
ShortE
Posted by tampagirl70 on January 7, 2005, at 17:16:53
In reply to Re: How do you cure Marriage Boredom? » tampagirl70, posted by Shortelise on January 7, 2005, at 12:58:21
I think its just boredom with the relationship in general. I'm not very interested in sex and its not because I don't enjoy it or its not good; I just don't see it as a priority. We've been together for 12 years, no kids, so it feels like things have become rather stagnant. We do things together every weekend and see our own friends and do things separately as well. I obsess a lot (have OCD) and I'm obsessing about the marriage being over, being a sham, that I don't belong in it, etc., so that makes things even worse. And when I'm not interested in sex, it makes it 100 more times worse because then I think that because I don't want to have sex with him, I must not love him. The biggest issue is that I miss the newness and excitement of a new relationship. It'll never be like that again.
I've heard of these couples and people that have good sex - maybe its because they're not married and/or they haevn't been with their partner for very long and its still new and exciting.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 8, 2005, at 1:32:38
In reply to Re: How do you cure Marriage Boredom?, posted by tampagirl70 on January 7, 2005, at 17:16:53
Yeah, I dare say you are right. I have no idea. It did occur to me that there were many ways in which you could feel bored. I was kind of joking... but kind of not too.
I don't know what to say. I am still single mostly.
Posted by caraher on January 8, 2005, at 12:47:21
In reply to Re: How do you cure Marriage Boredom?, posted by tampagirl70 on January 7, 2005, at 17:16:53
I wonder if you, like so many others, are comparing your marriage to some unrealistic ideal. Life just isn't a thrill-a-minute like it can be in a movie or on TV. I don't sense discontent so much as a vague feeling that there should be sparks and fireworks, if not all the time then at least more often.
Yeah, that's great fun, exhilirating... but there are also benefits in quiet contentment. Plus I think after being married for a while (18 years for me) you tend to forget some of the negatives of the early days of your relationship, which further casts the present in an unrealistically negative light.
Posted by holymama on January 29, 2005, at 23:36:16
In reply to Re: How do you cure Marriage Boredom?, posted by caraher on January 8, 2005, at 12:47:21
Hi there, I've been married for 10 years, three young kids, so I've definitely experienced marriage boredom. One small thing I can suggest to improve things is this: it's really simple. Try it alone, or suggest it to your spouse that you both try it. Do a small, kind thing for eachother every day. Not flowers, a foot rub, anything like that. Maybe just a little note. Or a smile. A hug. A special treat from the grocery store. Something thoughtful. It's catchy -- once you start doing this, the other person does it back, and it keeps going. It really improves things. I swear it works, and it just starts with a little tiny bit of kindness.
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