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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by University on January 21, 2005, at 23:22:18
In reply to Re: Pfffffftttt, » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 21:30:12
You made me laugh :) Maybe you're right about me--even if you wrote it in a rather discomfiting and boorish way. I spent 10 years in weekly psychotherapy, and the realization that I may not be cured after all gets me down. But my therapist is still around and I'm going to see him soon to deal.
Sorry--I can't move back one screen--but I forgot the poster's name who wrote about feeling guilty for staying, etc.--but thanks for recounting your sitch cos it's mine right now. and as you know, it sucks all the way around :(
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:42:10
In reply to Thanks again, posted by University on January 21, 2005, at 23:22:18
I didn't know I was a boor, but I suppose that's something I must swallow now that you've said it. I'll have to look that up in the dictionary. I'm a boor. Interesting.
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:58:40
In reply to Re: Thanks again, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:42:10
AM I allowed to say now that I don't get the impression you're a very kind person?
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 17:05:18
In reply to Re: Thanks again: University, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:58:40
NO, please allow me to re-phrase that. You weren't being very kind, in my opinion. What you said was unkind, and hurt my feelings.
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 17:12:19
In reply to Re: Thanks again: University, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 17:05:18
Something terribly funny just occurred to me: only a true boor would be offended at being referred to as boorish. :o
Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 22:51:57
In reply to Re: Thanks again: University, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 17:05:18
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 23, 2005, at 10:32:43
In reply to Thanks again, posted by University on January 21, 2005, at 23:22:18
> you wrote it in a rather ... boorish way.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:34:34
In reply to Re: please be civil » University, posted by Dr. Bob on January 23, 2005, at 10:32:43
Thank you I was wondering whether you would step in on my behalf, and you did, well, that was lovely.
Posted by University on January 23, 2005, at 14:04:18
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:34:34
But Dr. Bob, didn't you see what she wrote in reply to my original message? Surely, it qualifies as "likely" to offend, no?
Anyway, before you chimed in, Susan and I had already become friendly with each other (in my opinion). I think she's funny and I told her so. That's partly why I felt comfortable characterizing her reply to me as boorish--because it was, in my opinion, rather, well, abrupt and insensitive.
Anyway, boors are nice--they have nice faces, haven't they? So "boorish" isn't nec. pejorative anyway... Just my $.02
JM
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 14:37:30
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by University on January 23, 2005, at 14:04:18
> But Dr. Bob, didn't you see what she wrote in reply to my original message? Surely, it qualifies as "likely" to offend, no?
Likely to offend how? Im afraid I don't see it. If you felt offended it would have been more appropriate to have told her how you had taken it and have given her a chance to clarify her intention.
> Anyway, before you chimed in, Susan and I had already become friendly with each other (in my opinion). I think she's funny and I told her so.
Yeah, but haven't you seen you hurt her from her response to what you said?
> it was, in my opinion, rather, well, abrupt and insensitive.
Ouch, again.
> Anyway, boors are nice--they have nice faces, haven't they? So "boorish" isn't nec. pejorative anyway... Just my $.02
That would be a boar not a boor.
Bit like an *ss and an *rse.Have to be careful with animal words around here...
Posted by University on January 23, 2005, at 15:42:59
In reply to Re: please be civil » University, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 14:37:30
> > But Dr. Bob, didn't you see what she wrote in reply to my original message? Surely, it qualifies as "likely" to offend, no?
>
> Likely to offend how? Im afraid I don't see it. If you felt offended it would have been more appropriate to have told her how you had taken it and have given her a chance to clarify her intention.
>
> > Anyway, before you chimed in, Susan and I had already become friendly with each other (in my opinion). I think she's funny and I told her so.
>
> Yeah, but haven't you seen you hurt her from her response to what you said?
>
> > it was, in my opinion, rather, well, abrupt and insensitive.
>
> Ouch, again.
>
> > Anyway, boors are nice--they have nice faces, haven't they? So "boorish" isn't nec. pejorative anyway... Just my $.02
>
> That would be a boar not a boor.
> Bit like an *ss and an *rse.
>
> Have to be careful with animal words around here...
>
>
well, "boor" can mean "peasant," and peasants can have nice faces... but i do stand corrected 'cos i was thinking of a boar :)ANYWAY, i was a little offended by Susan's misreading of my post--at least i thought it was a mis-read (not making the "in love" and "love" distinction, then labeling me as not ready, etc. but then i lightened up and called her POST boorish (not her) and tried to make light of it all.
so, but can we get back to the original post? or does everyone dislike me now :(
signed,
boorish in berkeley
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 18:29:21
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by University on January 23, 2005, at 15:42:59
> ANYWAY, i was a little offended by Susan's misreading of my post--at least i thought it was a mis-read (not making the "in love" and "love" distinction, then labeling me as not ready, etc. but then i lightened up and called her POST boorish (not her) and tried to make light of it all.
Ah. I am afraid the civility rules are no joke around here. I think the 'misreading' was inadvertant. She went on to say that she was talking about *her* life anyway.
I think that the point was that you really did offend her. That isn't a joke. Not to me anyway. If I hurt someone I try to understand how I hurt them to prevent a recurrance and I apologise for having hurt them (whether I understand or not). But I guess that is just me.
> so, but can we get back to the original post? or does everyone dislike me now :(
I don't dislike ya, but I have to admit I am slightly wary... Someone else may want to babble with you...
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by University on January 23, 2005, at 14:04:18
Oh dear, well I didn't know we were friends, if I had I probably wouldn't have overreacted. Now, the other thing, the thing about my post that garnered your response, I was just wondering whether you read the last line in it, where I said that it was me I was talking about?
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:40:44
In reply to Re: please be civil » University, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 18:29:21
It's okay, if you're referring to me babbling University, alexandra, I can talk to her here, I think. I notice my original post is unavailable as a link right now, so obviously the whole thing is under review by DB or someone under his tutelage or however that morass works. I wouldn't be surprised if I were blocked again, soon, because I feel like I'm triggering too many people or something, or maybe it's just me, I feel the blade of doom ever hanging over me here on Babble these days.
In any case, I'm going to give University the benefit of the doubt, and believe that she honestly either did not read the last line of the post, or when she did, it did a zippo over her head. It's okay. It's all right. Please don't block anybody, Dr. Bob... it's really really painful.
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:55:05
In reply to Re: Too bad to stay, too good to leave » University, posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 13:47:03
Also, it's obvious (and my original post IS still there, above but it didn't work as a link from this portion of the board, wierd) it's obvious University isn't familiar with my style of writing, which is using "you" in the general sense, meaning really, me or you or they or anybody, and I know that's sloppy of me but it's just the way I am.
Posted by jujube on January 23, 2005, at 19:03:08
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:40:44
I really never visit this board, but for some reason ended up here today. I read your post Susan, and I did not find it in the least "boorish" or harsh, and I can be an extremely sensitive, timid and easily hurt person. It was to the point, which is nothing to be ashamed of. I can't see any reason why you would be blocked. Don't be hard on yourself. You have done nothing wrong as far as I am concerned.
> It's okay, if you're referring to me babbling University, alexandra, I can talk to her here, I think. I notice my original post is unavailable as a link right now, so obviously the whole thing is under review by DB or someone under his tutelage or however that morass works. I wouldn't be surprised if I were blocked again, soon, because I feel like I'm triggering too many people or something, or maybe it's just me, I feel the blade of doom ever hanging over me here on Babble these days.
> In any case, I'm going to give University the benefit of the doubt, and believe that she honestly either did not read the last line of the post, or when she did, it did a zippo over her head. It's okay. It's all right. Please don't block anybody, Dr. Bob... it's really really painful.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 21:03:12
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:40:44
By babbling I mean just what we are doing now :-)
Don't you dare go getting yourself blocked again!
You did really well here.
You did.
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 22:15:24
In reply to Re: please be civil » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 21:03:12
I can feel it, that I'm doing much, much better, aren't I. Last summer I was wildchild, embarrassingly so. Even at Christmas time, I still had very little understanding, but now something really wierd and wonderful's happening to me, I don't know if we have souls but if we do it's a soul-level thing.
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 22:16:22
In reply to Re: please be civil » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 21:03:12
I am quite happy with the way I said that. Thanks.
Posted by University on January 24, 2005, at 11:25:15
In reply to Please, no pragmatism to above, anybody., posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 22:16:22
Susan:
Your first post, as I recall, didn't indicate you were talking about yourself--you stated that after I said "thanks--you obviously have a great handle on me..." etc. So I just thought that you were landing all over me with "your not ready...", etc., without really reading my post. But after your post where you said you'd been referring to your self, I thought it was funny, and I said so--before I used the B-ish word. I thought that that made it clear it was all in fun. My bad. I'm sorry.
Oh, and by the way, I'm actually *male*, Alexandria, FYI :)
JM
Posted by Susan47 on January 24, 2005, at 13:26:16
In reply to You're right--it's gone..., posted by University on January 24, 2005, at 11:25:15
Actually, it is still there, right underneath yours.
Too funny, that you're male and I assumed you were female. Sorry.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 24, 2005, at 13:58:53
In reply to You're right--it's gone..., posted by University on January 24, 2005, at 11:25:15
> Oh, and by the way, I'm actually *male*, Alexandria, FYI :)
I apologise.
Everyone is Female unless they specifiy otherwise.
Womens lib, rah rah.
Posted by university on January 24, 2005, at 14:22:36
In reply to Re: You're right--it's gone... » University, posted by Susan47 on January 24, 2005, at 13:26:16
> Actually, it is still there, right underneath yours.
> Too funny, that you're male and I assumed you were female. Sorry.
No big deal. I don't see your post, however. But whatever--I don't want to nit-pick anymore. All I wanted in the first place was to hear about how someone in my situation may have dealt with it...blah blah blah
Posted by university on January 24, 2005, at 14:28:40
In reply to Re: Too bad to stay, too good to leave » University, posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 13:47:03
This response from Susan:
********
You said you love him very, very much ... then you said you don't think you ever really did...so you're confused...but more than that you're really scared if you're honest with how you feel that you'll have to tell him, and then you'll lose him, and if that happens, which of course it probably would because he wants to be loved, too, then you'll be really really depressed and needy afterwards which will be horrible for you and you might end up in ANOTHER not too great relationship because you know there's stuff, (Ssshhh, issues, ssshhhh) you have to deal with before you really can have a healthy fabulous LOVING relationship with a guy and Damn it you're not READY to deal with any of that stuff ....That's my story, anyway, and I'm stickin' to it ...
***********
Is what, when I read it as a reply to my sincere problem, unsettling, etc. It @!#$% me off, to be honest, because to me, it read as if a total stranger was writing "YOU'RE not ready, damn it! You're confused! etc.Does anyone here understand why I might have felt that way? Geez. I know I said I didn't care about this matter anymore, but after perusing all of the posts in defense of Susan, I just starting thinking my god, am I crazier than I thought, or can nobody here understand why I might've been a bit chuffed???
Posted by university on January 24, 2005, at 14:39:18
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 18:40:44
> It's okay, if you're referring to me babbling University, alexandra, I can talk to her here, I think. I notice my original post is unavailable as a link right now, so obviously the whole thing is under review by DB or someone under his tutelage or however that morass works. I wouldn't be surprised if I were blocked again, soon, because I feel like I'm triggering too many people or something, or maybe it's just me, I feel the blade of doom ever hanging over me here on Babble these days.
> In any case, I'm going to give University the benefit of the doubt, and believe that she honestly either did not read the last line of the post, or when she did, it did a zippo over her head. It's okay. It's all right. Please don't block anybody, Dr. Bob... it's really really painful.If you're talking about the "That's my story...and I'm sticking with it" line, well, to me that read like "that's what I think about it and I won't change my mind" or something like that. Also, its location toward the end--and that it was a "cliche", catch-all type of phrase (didn't want to write "cliche" for fear I'll insult someone--but I can't think of anything else right now)--made it look like it was a "signature" that perhaps the poster always placed after posts.
In any case, her reply seemed super rude, condescending, etc., --to me--when I perceived it that way. That's all.
Peace,
JM
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