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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 25, 2005, at 0:26:25
Let me begin by saying that i am recently divorced and had been seeing someone up until my hospitalization...after i got out i went back to exes home so as not to have to be all alone in my apt day after day...i went back on the understanding that it was not us getting together again--as we have too many unresolved issues--just until i felt healthy enough to be on my own again...but now he wants to try again and i am not ready....i have to work on myself first but he doesn't seem to want to hear that --and he has things to work on if he even wants a chance to try again. My problem here is that i always do what makes everyone else happy at my own expense--i know that now but still cannot seem to help it. I have also been talking to the person i was seeing after my divorce again--he is a really good person and we are good friends now--i don't know what will come out of it. I just know i don't want to end up all alone--i know that I sound like a very weak person, but for once in my life i am trying to do what is right for me. Any input or advice would be very welcome at this point as this is only adding to my other problems and anxiety daily....thanks for listening to me
Michelle
Posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 12:52:38
In reply to stuck between 2 different people, posted by shellybelle911 on January 25, 2005, at 0:26:25
Sounds to me like you are stuck between 3 people; not 2.
And the one you didn't list? You.
You mentioned that you just got out of hospital. That makes you automatic priority one.
Let BOTH of the boneheads work on their own issues while you work on yours (yes, everyone has them). There is no statute of limitations on relationships. When the time is right for YOU, the right person will be there.
That is all my own, non-professional, advice.
My last T told me that I would never be with Mr. Right until I didn't need him. She said that I should only be with a guy because I "want" him, not because I "need" him, because it is infinitely rewarding (and, frankly, the only type of relationship worth the work that relationships take!) and the other type is never rewarding in a healthy sense.
Hope that helps,
Sunny10
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 25, 2005, at 23:48:07
In reply to Re: stuck between 2 different people, posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 12:52:38
> Sounds to me like you are stuck between 3 people; not 2.
>
> And the one you didn't list? You.
>
> You mentioned that you just got out of hospital. That makes you automatic priority one.
>
> Let BOTH of the boneheads work on their own issues while you work on yours (yes, everyone has them). There is no statute of limitations on relationships. When the time is right for YOU, the right person will be there.
>
> That is all my own, non-professional, advice.
>
> My last T told me that I would never be with Mr. Right until I didn't need him. She said that I should only be with a guy because I "want" him, not because I "need" him, because it is infinitely rewarding (and, frankly, the only type of relationship worth the work that relationships take!) and the other type is never rewarding in a healthy sense.
>
> Hope that helps,
> Sunny10Thank you very much for the advice--I always seem to forget about me and that is my biggest problem i think...I guess you are right i need to get myself together and then just see what happens.
Thanks again,
Michelle
Posted by Shortelise on January 26, 2005, at 0:13:14
In reply to stuck between 2 different people, posted by shellybelle911 on January 25, 2005, at 0:26:25
I think I'd extricate myself from between two people and be me, myself for a while. Not the ham in the sandwich, just the ham :-)
I think I'd tell them both that I am feeling up to making any sort of Big Decision. I would tell them if they really care about me, they will respect my need not to be pressured in any way about anything until I indicate that I am ready to think about it.
I would say I need a six month break from any discussion at all. During that time, if they want to be friends with you, that's great, but no pressure allowed.
How does that sound?
Take care of yourself, ok?
ShortE
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 26, 2005, at 3:18:01
In reply to Re: stuck between 2 different people » shellybelle911, posted by Shortelise on January 26, 2005, at 0:13:14
> I think I'd extricate myself from between two people and be me, myself for a while. Not the ham in the sandwich, just the ham :-)
>
> I think I'd tell them both that I am feeling up to making any sort of Big Decision. I would tell them if they really care about me, they will respect my need not to be pressured in any way about anything until I indicate that I am ready to think about it.
>
> I would say I need a six month break from any discussion at all. During that time, if they want to be friends with you, that's great, but no pressure allowed.
>
> How does that sound?
>
> Take care of yourself, ok?
>
> ShortEThank you so much for the advice...I guess i do need to start putting myself first and quit caring so much what others think...that is my whole problem i always worry about what others think and want to make them happy--even at my own expense...so much so that i don't even know who i am or what i like myself sometimes...scary huh??? I think that this is something that i need to do. I guess i am just scared of ending up alone. thank you so much again for the input...i guess i have alot of healing and a lot of thinking to do here in the future...
michelle
Posted by sunny10 on January 26, 2005, at 9:41:34
In reply to Re: stuck between 2 different people, posted by shellybelle911 on January 26, 2005, at 3:18:01
being here helps.
I can't speak for ShortE, but I wrote what I did because I WAS that person you described before. I tried to keep everyone else happy and I can say without a doubt that I didn't get anything out of therapy while I was trying to "work on having a better relationship"! I had to figure ME out because part of that relationship was me, and the only person in any relationship that I can ever change is me.
And I'm not going to tell you that I'm finished, either. I understand now WHY I have "sabotagued" myself with thinking patterns that I learned in childhood (and how they have determined my "reactions" within relationships since childhood), but am still trying to learn how to "act" with my logic and not "react" with my "childhood feelings"....
AND, I've also learned that even if I figure it out my way, it may not help YOU. We are all so very different, yet so very much the same!
Amazing beings we humans are...
Good luck with your start, keep us posted and let us know if we can offer help!
-sunny10
This is the end of the thread.
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