Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 456960

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Where is his head at??

Posted by just so sad on February 12, 2005, at 20:49:55

So I just got home from a dinner out with hubby, who has been more supportive than ususal lately, and I'm feeling a bit dispondent. I'm taking effexor and battling a drinking dependancy, and every time I brought up drug side-effects and/or things I felt strongly about at counselling sessions, he just disappeared - his immediate next response was about the array of desserts, or a recent event at his work, or anything other...although to be fair it was always after an interuption by the waitress and his memory is poor - but I really thought I was reaching out to him and that he would pick up on that...just venting...don't mind me...

Sad

Re: Where is his head at?? » just so sad

Posted by jay on February 13, 2005, at 16:23:35

In reply to Where is his head at??, posted by just so sad on February 12, 2005, at 20:49:55

> So I just got home from a dinner out with hubby, who has been more supportive than ususal lately, and I'm feeling a bit dispondent. I'm taking effexor and battling a drinking dependancy, and every time I brought up drug side-effects and/or things I felt strongly about at counselling sessions, he just disappeared - his immediate next response was about the array of desserts, or a recent event at his work, or anything other...although to be fair it was always after an interuption by the waitress and his memory is poor - but I really thought I was reaching out to him and that he would pick up on that...just venting...don't mind me...
>
> Sad

It could be his way of avoiding the 'reality'....seems to be a common trait amongst partners. You could try facing him off with the questions, but it may be tough. But I will say, avoiding is not a healthy action.

Best,
Jay

Re: Where is his head at??

Posted by Susan47 on February 13, 2005, at 19:41:11

In reply to Re: Where is his head at?? » just so sad, posted by jay on February 13, 2005, at 16:23:35

Is he maybe starting to have trouble being supportive? It must be wearing at times, and maybe he needs some support, is he getting any from anyone like his friends or family?

Re: Where is his head at??

Posted by mair on February 13, 2005, at 21:58:16

In reply to Where is his head at??, posted by just so sad on February 12, 2005, at 20:49:55

My husband always seems totally uninterested in any aspect of my treatment - occasionally if he thinks I'm snapping at him too much, he'll ask me if I'm ok, meaning am I getting depressed or something.

Several years ago I sat him down and told him he had to be aware of what my meds were, thinking that if I was in an accident and in the ER and the docs asked him what meds I was on, he'd look foolish being so clueless. So he took all this in very solemnly. Several months later he came back from a trip talking about how he'd sat next to a drug rep on the plane and she was telling him all about this great AD - well the one he mentioned was the one I take - my husband had drawn no parallel, obviously totally forgotten it was one of my drugs.

I've sort of given up. A couple of weeks ago we ran into my T in a restaurant. He had no clue who she was although he's been into see her with me.

Mair

Re: Where is his head at??

Posted by just so sad on February 14, 2005, at 14:37:21

In reply to Re: Where is his head at??, posted by mair on February 13, 2005, at 21:58:16

Thanks for all your replies. Mair, I can imagine how sad you were when your hubby showed so little awareness - I know exactly what it feels like. Susan, he does have support of friends, it's just that he is uncomfortable with deep talks - always has been. I just wanted to vent - he gives me as much as he can and I've known of his limitations for years, and have decided I love him anyway. I'm sure it's much easier for him, what with me being perfect in every way :)

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