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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 9:38:58
anyone have any advice for someone who's significant other has broken the same promise for the fifth time?
anyone have advice for someone who's significant other must think they're stupid and wouldn't notice the broken promise- even when it is happening in their joint home?
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 10:09:42
In reply to not-so-sunny today, posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 9:38:58
Oh dear, oh dear this doesn't sound good, sunny, what's the promise? Hmm. Okay, regardless of what the promise is, why won't he listen to you?
Posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 10:37:24
In reply to Re: not-so-sunny today, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 10:09:42
Says he wants a life with me- knows that I am only with him because "he gave up drugs"- 'cause you know they scare the bejeezus out of me- I finally told him that if he had to do them, "don't do them around me, because you are not the same person when you are on them and that person scares me"- and he was doing it in the house last night- obviously also thinks I am stupid....
oh, well, guess he's not the right one for me to build a life with after all.
My heart is very heavy, because now I have to live with him for another year and six months until our lease ends..... There goes another three years of my life, wasted on someone who lied about their availability to love...
I feel so heavy inside- my heart is just thudding inside my chest right now....
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 25, 2005, at 13:35:23
In reply to not-so-sunny today, posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 9:38:58
(((Sunny)))
Why do you have to stick around? Are both of your names on the lease? If so, there must be a way to break it, even though it will probably cost you money.
I know this has got to be a difficult time. But, at least you recognize that you truly cannot build a life with him. His actions have shown you that this is not possible.
Have you ever threatened to leave him before? If so, how did he react?
Posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 14:08:45
In reply to Re: not-so-sunny today, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 25, 2005, at 13:35:23
actually, I have not threatened to leave. And breaking the lease would cost too much, therefore I won't actually leave... I just have to endure...life begins again on Aug 1, 2006, I guess...
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:37:21
In reply to Re: not-so-sunny today, posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 14:08:45
Hold it. A couple of days ago you were posting how together you were and how wonderful it was that you found each other. And before that you were worried about his confrontational ways, now you're posting that he lied to you about his drug use, which is obviously really important to you as well. Are you trying to make a bad thing seem good so you can justify staying? Because if you seriously think that's a possibility, you ought to think about that some more. I can guarantee you it will end in pain if that's the case, and the longer you wait the worse the pain will be... but now I'm talking about myself again, because I stayed in a relationship I knew was bad from the beginning. I stayed for ten years. Man, I tried. I tried so hard. For the last two years I basically went to bed. Really. And I had children. I had two children, knowing right off the bat he was the completely totally wrong person for me. But I needed him. Seriously, think about it, okay? I'd love to be wrong about you. Maybe he can change, but maybe he should do it without you. Because you feel bad, and I don't think that's good.
But you were saying too that you were going to move to Hawaii together, weren't you? Are you afraid to give up that dream, or do it alone or with someone else?
Oh, Sunny. (((Sunny10)))
Maybe it's just a bad day.
Posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 15:38:33
In reply to Re: not-so-sunny today, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:37:21
just last night.... Remember, I said we had issues that we both had to work on??? That was one of his issues.
I am not ending our relationship because he does "a little" coke (not daily)-
I had told him that if he felt that he wanted to indulge, that he needed to do it away from me (not in our home)because it changes him into someone that I don't like.
I am ending it because last night he showed me that he is capable of hiding things behind my back AND disrespecting me by assuming I was too dumb to notice.
A relationship with two not-perfect people who were working together while working out their separate issues is okay with me- normal "life-style"baggage anyway for anyone over twenty-five!
But I refuse to be the only one working on "our future"- and I DOUBLY refuse to be in a relationship which is suddenly not based on honesty and respect at all.
But now I have to live with him until August 1,2006 when the lease expires as both of our names are on the lease. I can't afford to pay for two places... if he decides to leave, I'll get a roommate. If I tried to leave, he'd probably demand half the rent every month...
Ah, an attractor of manipulators.... apparently I wasn't through with that like I thought...
Sorry- I know it's obvious that I am very angry...I seem to have shot right past depression into anger- frankly, I'm afraid to go home... but it's time to leave work now...
-sunny10
Posted by AdaGrace on February 27, 2005, at 12:23:12
In reply to Re: found out I was doing all the work alone, posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 15:38:33
I find it all to familiar. This situation of yours. People don't change easily into what others think they should be. The phrase "I stayed to long at the fair" Reminds me of what happens often in relationships, expecially mine. It's good for a while, and then you keep riding the ferris wheel over and over and over again until it makes you dizzy and sick. And that extra hotdog you ate with chili, extra relish, and onions is now boiling up your esophogis (sp?) threatening to projectile across the cage you are in, out into the crowd of people who are watching you spiral downward at a quick and deadly pace.
Yikes, where did that come from?
Seriously Sunny. He doesn't sound as if he is going to change. Can you find him a room mate? So you can leave? Have you told him you are considering leaving, and ask him how he would handle the rent?
Talk to him Sunny. If it gets abusive, physical or mental, leave for a few days until he calms down and see if he can discuss the rent $ situation.
Easy for me to say.........I can't even go pee without having to announce it. I went to town today, just roamed around and after about an hour, I was being paged, called, and asked to explain my whereabouts.........HO HUM...
Ada, sitting in the same boat, Grace
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 1:00:13
In reply to Re: staying too long at the fair » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on February 27, 2005, at 12:23:12
And I totally love the way you write. I missed you. Now I suppose you're disappearing again.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 1:03:23
In reply to Re: found out I was doing all the work alone, posted by sunny10 on February 25, 2005, at 15:38:33
It's been three days since you last posted about this Sunny. What's going on? Do you still feel the same way as you did on Friday?
You babbled me and I'm sorry I didn't realize when I responded that you were so serious about this, otherwise I would've mentioned it. I haven't been here for a couple of days either. So fill us in, what's going on for you now? Are you still having to move out of the relationship, or did he decide you were worth making an effort for?
Posted by AdaGrace on March 1, 2005, at 16:30:41
In reply to Esophagus. » AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 1:00:13
Susan, you are the only one I seriously LIKE taking spelling lessons from. Usually it makes me bristle and I take offense as if someone is smacking my hand with a ruler. But, with you, it sorta intrigues me. Susy Darling, did I spell that right? Seriously, I do appreciate it. I have this overwhelming self conciousness regarding my spelling. I keep thinking I should be better at it, and in all reality, I seriously s*ck at it. By the way, I don't disappear for long, do I?????
"POOF"
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 18:26:21
In reply to Re: Esophagus. » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on March 1, 2005, at 16:30:41
Oh my, I think I just saw Agnes Moorehead drive by on her broom ... "POOF" to you too, dearie.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 11:00:42
In reply to Re: found out I was doing all the work alone » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 1:03:23
Have I preached you right out of existence here on Babble? Because I didn't mean to. Everything I've said is only related to my own experiences, and if I've seemed intolerant it's because I'm angry with myself.
This is the end of the thread.
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