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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcconathy on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
My thoughts are deterioating, i dont know whats wrong with me and I don't care anymore.
If i go insane, i go insane, period. There is nothing i can do.
Medications are not going to help, i feel im in hell, i can do nothing, i cant talk to my doctor, my mom will control it, i cannt even get her to have an MRI, all she will do is complain and yell. She puts my medicine away, i cant talk with my doctor about changing because she will not let him do it.
My mom doesnt listen to me at all, she yells she is negative, she tells me i cannot handle things, i wanted to get into honors classes when i was a freshman with a strong ambitition, she never let me have my own drive, i tried to fight her so hard and knew i could do it, here i am a senior.
My stepdad is a complete drone, when I had an emotional breakdown realizing my problems all at once, he threw me around like Linda blair in the exorxist, saying that i was possesed, i cant even vent stress without this idiot getting ready to pound me. He will get violent, restrain me, and not have a f*cking idea what is wrong, and say he is talking the "demon"
Listen, is this normal, im almost 18 years old, my mom locks up my medicine, she treats me the same as when i was 9, the doctor evens asks why dont you take your own medication, in frount of my mom in a session, she butts in as usall, "he is not ready for this on his own, and I will only authorize any treatment"
I crashed my car, to get away from my real dad, after working for his law firm, he treated me awful i did have a job and a car, and he did give me freedom, but he was controlling in his own sense, "listen you m* fuc*er, what are you queer? what the f*uck is wrong with you!" Dissociation began during this time, my mom told me she would get me away from him, but here i am back under her control again, she didnt get me a car, she will put it off and eventually not do it, just like she complains about dr appointments, and usally will say you dont need , when im in the middle of a nervous breakdown, well then she fetches num-nuts stepdad to do another exoricsm on me, i have already memoriezed all the procedures.
I am going to have to go back with my real dad, he is the only one that will do something, he is mean as hell, puts me down, but its the only way out now, has ambition. He said he will put me thought collage, and make me a success, at the same consequence i will have to endure his put downs as before.
There is no way out, my mom a raving angry nuerotic that screams out at every problem. dad cold harsh, insecure of his ego, constantly has prove him self, put downs and critism. THey both are distressing.
I have no confidence, i feel im slipping away down in to a mud pitt in my mind, i grap harder to the wet mud but only it slides down more. I give up.
If i shot myself, i she would do is complain about my splattered brain on her floor, compalin it stained her carpet.
Later
Posted by Spriggy on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by mmcconathy on February 25, 2005, at 18:53:58
I've followed some of your posts and can tell that you are so desperate and feel completely hopeless right now.
I am so sorry. There really is no worse feeling in all of the world than feeling hopeless and lonely.I wish I could somehow make this go away for you and give you the peace, joy, and hope you long for. I wish I could convince you that you are loved and you are not a mistake.
I know none of this likely helps you right now but I am praying for you.
I would suggest you voluntarily go to the ER and ask for a psych evaluation. Maybe if you could spend a week or two in a psych unit getting proper medication, counseling, etc.. you could begin to decide how to deal with the outside stressors you face.
You have much on your plate right now. Getting help does not mean you are weak. Recognize when enough is enough-- do it for yourself and don't worry what anyone else thinks.
You go get yourself help. I am praying for you.
Posted by mmcconathy on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to Re: i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by Spriggy on February 25, 2005, at 19:03:19
I really appriecate someone at least puts some input of support, but you have to understand by reading the whole post, i know its long but i just had to let it out, i cannot stay together.
My mom keeps me from everything, she does not listen, and blows me off.When i become an attorney, will make sure to her lawsuit, and restraining order directly to keep away from my kids.
Thank you for your concern
Matt
Posted by snapper on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to Re: bless you, posted by mmcconathy on February 25, 2005, at 19:11:37
Matt, dude , you are 18 right? You a legal adult and if I were in your situation, I would find the fastest way to get to the ER be upfront and totally honest about EVERYTHING!!! Don't worry about school or what your parents think or dont think! If they don't realize that they have a son who needs love, understanding and medical help...tell the folks at the hospital ...call a friend or do what you need to break out of your constant situation. I know it is scary and I def. feel for your situation. But man try and take some control of it before it escalates any more! This is your life were talking about right?
If you need meds, then you need meds...don't let people tell you otherwise if this is truly the situation. This board can be and often is a lifesaver but when push comes to shove , please get help in person. Reach out and chances are very good that the medical professionals will reach out and meet you in the middle. Sorry if I sound harsh or intense that is not my objective,and you will realize that people pick up on that cry for help (especially here on Babble) if YOU know you need help and want it - go get it!Sometimes the very people that are the closest to us are the ones that may not really want to admit that one of their "own" is sick and needs help. Denial, Shame and stigma are rampant, not just the general public but sadly too it happens all to often within our very own famalies.
Like I said 18 is legal adult in every state that I know of and even though your parents are there, def does not mean you can't take the proper action for your own well being!
Good Luck -let us know!
Snapper
Posted by mmcconathy on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by mmcconathy on February 25, 2005, at 18:53:58
I will be 18 on April 20 2005,
I need to make plans after this
Posted by mmcconathy on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to Re: bless you » mmcconathy, posted by snapper on February 25, 2005, at 21:12:19
I have got to go to Hypnotherpy and get the negitive thoughts OUT of my mind, my mom's voice, plant ambition in. Then I will drop from her insurance, live like dirt until i can support my danm, i can live with my dad, has high income, but drinks to his grave and talks bad alot because of his ego problem.
I've got to ignore all of this distraction, and look on but achieve getting to my goal.
I wish i was raised normal, but everyone has problems, i just wished i wasnt locked up like norman bates in my grandma's cold house right across the the street from a huge gay night bar, maybe that's why she always came home late.....
I am just trying to hold on right now, i've hate this life. I hate me. I hate why im the way i am!
Dude, im out, if you pray, please pray that god will get me out of here.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2005, at 0:57:02
In reply to Re: i am getting the hell out of here, posted by mmcconathy on February 25, 2005, at 22:14:08
Oh Matt, you are so young, and show so much promise. Please listen to the fellow Babblers, what they say is true. We care, we really do. If I didn't I wouldn't be up right now responding to your plea. You know, there are good placements that are available to you especially since you have insurance. Places, that a hospital can arrange for you. Places where people care, allow you the medications you need for peace of mind, and counseling to ease your suffering. Some examples are kind of like farms where you can live for extended periods of time with other people your own age. Places that are warm and filled with the wonders of nature and new life. Watching animals born, flowers bloom, etc. You would be given your schooling while you are there. A reprieve from your parents, whom I'm sure love you but may be scared because they can't help you, and are acting the way they are because of this. Again, we care, PLEASE go to the HOSPITAL so you may begin to recapture your life. It's a gift. Fondly, Phillipa XX
Posted by TheOutsider on February 26, 2005, at 6:47:17
In reply to Re: i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by Spriggy on February 25, 2005, at 19:03:19
Sorry to hear your having such a cr*p time
Your family sound like an absolute nightmare!
I feel that my parents are a bit difficult sometimes, but they could be a lot worse.
Your doc doesn't sound much good, the solution is to find another doc who has a personal recomendation from someone you trust, see them without telling your parents.
You'll have to pay per session because you don't have insurence, it might be difficult, but it will be worth it in the long run.I whish I had had the nerve to go privately sooner than I did, it would have saved me a lot of trouble!
Don't be afraid of getting into a bit of debt if you have to, especially if the interest isn't to bad.
Were abouts do you live?
Best of luck
Tom
Posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2005, at 11:01:59
In reply to Re: i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by TheOutsider on February 26, 2005, at 6:47:17
Matt, I'm still with you! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by ed_uk on February 26, 2005, at 12:49:45
In reply to Re: i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2005, at 11:01:59
Phillipa, maybe you should adopt Matt too. Please will you adopt him?
Ed.
PS. I've been ill in bed for the last few days.
Posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2005, at 17:28:40
In reply to Re: i am getting the hell out of here » mmcconathy, posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2005, at 0:04:48
Matt, would like to join our family of Babblers. This includes Ed, and Link. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by PrivateGuy on March 5, 2005, at 9:19:45
In reply to Re: i dont think i can take this anymore, posted by Spriggy on February 25, 2005, at 19:03:19
I know this is easier said than done, but try not to worry.
You have the support of everyone here.
This is the end of the thread.
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