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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inthegloaming on April 3, 2005, at 23:29:25
hey all,
i believe i may be grappling with something known as obsessive attatchment disorder, but i am working with very little information. does anyone know anything about this or have a diagnosis that is similar?
my story (the short version) is as follows: my mother died suddenly when i was 8 years old. ever since then, i've been very drawn to older women, particularly women in positions of power--bosses, teachers, celebrities, etc. i become very attatched very quickly and slide almost immediately into obsession. i search for them on the web. i look up where they live. i hang out outside the classroom or late after work just to see them one more time before i go home. without them, i feel lost.
for the record, i should probably say that i am a lesbian. this has nothing to do with the death of my mother, as i can trace back my crushes on girls to as early as my pre-K years, but the fixation aspect, i believe, is directly related.
i could go into more detail, but i'd like to hear what you guys have to say first. have you experienced this? how have you coped? have you recieved a diagnosis?
thanks,
g
Posted by Susan47 on April 4, 2005, at 9:39:23
In reply to obsessive attatchment disorder--help!, posted by inthegloaming on April 3, 2005, at 23:29:25
Are you in therapy? THe right therapist, the RIGHT therapist, someone you frankly tell all this to right off the bat in my opinion, will help .. and also, if you haven't tried EMDR I suspect it's well worth trying. IT helps with resolving trauma; you had a terrible trauma when you were little. You're still struggling with it but you can change things. You can, definitely, this doesn't have to go on forever.
I felt great attachment to my last therapist ... if the weekend was coming I felt like I would die, because I didn't have any handle at all on where he existed in this world, you know? It felt like a spiritual abandonment. Of course, I knew it was all about me, but impossible to control. Luckily I knew the dangers of obsessing though, so I avoided stalking-type behaviours .. plus I really don't have time for that sort of thing, and it's crazy-making, why make myself any crazier than I already feel in my emotional need?
It was bad enough, I would show up in his outer office once in awhile just to reassure myself he really did still exist.. because he showed me for awhile, that he did care.
Do you do this with women you actually know? You mentioned celebrities, but I'm thinking you wouldn't necessarily know them personally. The power thing is really big in this for you. Is it bigger than the actual knowing of the person?
Have you ever been in therapy for this, because if you haven't, maybe you should be.
Posted by katherpoo1 on April 4, 2005, at 10:47:11
In reply to Re: obsessive attatchment disorder--help!, posted by Susan47 on April 4, 2005, at 9:39:23
I haven't gone as far as obsessing (all the time... I've been tempted sometimes)... but I have suffered emotional abandonment from both my parents and am constantly in search of "mother figures." I found this to be the case most especially at work, but even as young as 7 or 8 I remember clinging to elementary school teachers like my (emotional) life depended upon it.
I just wanted you to know that I hear you and I can sympathize with what you're going through. I agree therapy -perhaps with a male- might be helpful. I am heterosexual but I work with a male and it has been quite a different experience than working with females. I have been able to get farther along with him because I'm not so desperately seeking approval and such...
Good luck. --K
Posted by inthegloaming on April 4, 2005, at 15:09:15
In reply to Re: obsessive attatchment disorder--help!, posted by katherpoo1 on April 4, 2005, at 10:47:11
thanks folks, what you said has been really helpful.
i have been in therapy, and this problem has been discussed--though not as thouroughly as it should have been, i guess. there was a period in which i didn't go for a while, probably during one of the more obsessive periods.
about working with a male therapist--perhaps a good idea, though i've never become "attached" to a shrink before so i don't think gender is an issue. my current therapist--a woman, also a lesbian, who also lost her mother at a young age--is great and knows how to dea with me--i'm sarcastic and difficult in therapy situations, but she's actually gotten through to me. i'm in school out of state right now, but i will see her again in the summer.
as for EMDR... what is that? i'm new to the lingo...
thanks,
-g
Posted by Corafree on April 17, 2005, at 14:26:17
In reply to obsessive attatchment disorder--help!, posted by inthegloaming on April 3, 2005, at 23:29:25
I have a tendency to do this just in cultivating a friendship. I know that I ruin relationships before they are even begun when I 'spill my ups and downs' @ first meeting. My eagerness undermines me and makes the other feel that I NEED a lot of them.
It is hard to go slow, share little bits of yourself slowly, when you feel a strong need for a certain type of companionship. take care, cf
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