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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by octopusprime on April 10, 2005, at 23:55:10
a query for the posters out there:
i know i have been away from this site for a while. been busy, you know, finding the love of my life, etc etc
so here's the question:
i met him at the end of october. we will be married on the first of july. i'm 26 years old and well medicated.
is he really the love of my life? or is he just the manifestation of my cyclothymia (mild bipolar) illness? i've told him all about it. he's scared out of his pants of me going off my meds. we figure i will have to if i am going to have his baby (and i want to, a few years down the road)
i'm happy. i'm happy. this is weird. is it an illusion? or is this what love feels like? i've been in love before, but this is the first time i ever thought about getting married. is it a big mistake? i get the feeling that many people with depression or mental illness tend to accelerate relationships - is that part of the package? how do i sort out what is real and what i am projecting?
we talk. we talk a lot. and i am 100% sure i am doing the right thing by marrying him. and maybe that's the scariest part. the lack of doubt. maybe if i was "normal" i would be freaking out about marrying somebody i've known for less than a year. but it feels right ... like the right thing to do ...
any thoughts?
Posted by partlycloudy on April 20, 2005, at 14:22:50
In reply to accelerated relationships and mental illness, posted by octopusprime on April 10, 2005, at 23:55:10
Hello, octopusprime!!! I missed you from this place.
I don't know that there is a connection between what some might consider an accelerated relationship, and mental illness. Some people are more cautious than others - and I'm a quick study, like you.I don't if it will reassure you at all, but when I first met my husband of 3 years this month (!) it was when I ran to a bar from an AA meeting, was already being treated for anxiety and depression, and he still loved me for all my problems and issues.
Now we are deep into a year and a half of therapy and loads of med changes as I'm still coming to terms with being bipolar2 and still anxious. There have been many times that I've fretted over what I'm dragging my husband through with me - how on earth can this be a fair thing to do to your partner?
He insists, and it is starting to sink in, that he loves me depressed or manic, anxious or calm, panicked or serene. And being married to someone with mental illness is, I guess, like being married to someone with any chronic illness. Sometimes it interferes with the things we want to do - but our mates understand this.
I have fond hopes of being "better" - yeah, right. I might get better at walking the tightrope of medications, or better at understanding what underlying issues I have that contribute to my problems; but I think I know that I will always be trying to find and maintain my balance, if you know what I mean.So nice to see you here. Sorry I took so long in responding to your post.
partlycloudy
Posted by jimmyjgill on May 2, 2005, at 12:19:06
In reply to accelerated relationships and mental illness, posted by octopusprime on April 10, 2005, at 23:55:10
In many ways, I wish I had asked my lover to marry me sooner. I think see would have said yes and we would still be together. I decided to wait a bit. Perhaps too much. We dated 9 months and there were some red flags. So I stepped back a bit. She left and fell in love with someone only after dating him 1 month. I miss her so much I can't stand it yet the red flags perhaps were right. If she really loved me as she claimed, she would not have left. That's a bitter pill to swallow for me. Now time will tell if I did the right thing or not. keep an open dialog about your feelings with your partner and express your fears and concerns. I did not and regret it.
Best of luck and wish you well.
Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 12:47:53
In reply to Re: accelerated relationships and mental illness, posted by jimmyjgill on May 2, 2005, at 12:19:06
I'm so sorry that you're hurting over her. She is really looking for something to complete herself, if she can fall in "love" with a new man in the space of a month, after saying how much she loves you, then wait until she knows herself better. If you were to keep in touch with her, casually through friends maybe, you might have a chance to observe and wonder, too.
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