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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by asya on June 6, 2005, at 21:30:26
Hi all,
I am hoping someone can shed some light on my situation without judging. I am a 26 year old professional. I live alone and have a great job. I consider myself well-liked at work. I don't have any serious social phobias etc. But outside of work, I don't really have a life. My clsoe friends from hs and college live hundreds of miles away and I speak to them often on the phone. My family lives about a half hour away and I see them about once a week on average. But every day I come home after work, eat some dinner, watch TV, check email, talk on the phone sometimes, and go to bed. Once in a while (maybe once every two weeks) I have dinner with a friend/friends from work. In terms of dating, I have been with a few people and been intimate, but never had sex (basically in the everything but intercourse category). I am registered on an internet dating site and talk to people from the site sometimes on the phone until I can meet them. (It is a cultural community dating site so the people don't necessarily live in my area). I feel like a so-called "loser." Am I abnormal? is this life abnormal? Please help me.
Posted by caraher on June 6, 2005, at 23:45:57
In reply to I need help, please tell me if I am abnormal, posted by asya on June 6, 2005, at 21:30:26
"Normal?" Well, probably in some statistical sense your life is "abnormal." But you don't sound to me like a "loser." Sounds like you'd like to be a bit more social, which is very normal!
You don't sound fundamentally unhappy. It just sounds like there's an area of your life you'd like to improve. You *do* have those old friends; maybe they can give you some good advice about how to meet people, especially since they already know you. You don't have to give them a big speech about feeling like a loser; just tell them what you'd like more of in that life you're leading hundreds of miles away. True friends won't think any less of you.
Posted by Tamar on June 7, 2005, at 5:43:54
In reply to I need help, please tell me if I am abnormal, posted by asya on June 6, 2005, at 21:30:26
> Hi all,
> I am hoping someone can shed some light on my situation without judging. I am a 26 year old professional. I live alone and have a great job. I consider myself well-liked at work. I don't have any serious social phobias etc. But outside of work, I don't really have a life. My clsoe friends from hs and college live hundreds of miles away and I speak to them often on the phone. My family lives about a half hour away and I see them about once a week on average. But every day I come home after work, eat some dinner, watch TV, check email, talk on the phone sometimes, and go to bed. Once in a while (maybe once every two weeks) I have dinner with a friend/friends from work. In terms of dating, I have been with a few people and been intimate, but never had sex (basically in the everything but intercourse category). I am registered on an internet dating site and talk to people from the site sometimes on the phone until I can meet them. (It is a cultural community dating site so the people don't necessarily live in my area). I feel like a so-called "loser." Am I abnormal? is this life abnormal? Please help me.I don't think you're abnormal, but I'd guess you're lonely and a bit bored. Many people your age want to have an exciting social life. Can you get a room mate? Join a book group? Go to dancing classes? Take up some kind of sport? If you feel nervous about going to something new all by yourself, try to persuade a friend to go with you. It's easier to get to know new people if you have a common aim (like team sport or an astronomy club or whatever). And if you start to do something like that, you'll have more to talk about with potential partners...
I definitely don't think you're a loser, but I think you'll probably feel happier if you go out more.
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 19:20:03
In reply to I need help, please tell me if I am abnormal, posted by asya on June 6, 2005, at 21:30:26
Asya, is that you?
Good to see you again.
I think the others are right. You certainly aren't a loser. There's just something you would like to work on in your life.
If you're at all religious, a church is the quickest and easiest to locate pre-built community. If you aren't at all religious, perhaps there are other communities that are ready to embrace newcomers in your area.
I'm thinking of taking a few college courses. The night classes might be an interesting way to stretch your brain and meet some other working adults at the same time.
I think I'm actually the odder one, because I suspect that if I didn't have my wonderful husband and beloved son, I'd be happy enough with a life alone. (Which is not an invitation to the fates.)
Posted by asya on June 8, 2005, at 19:29:43
In reply to Re: I need help, please tell me if I am abnormal » asya, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 19:20:03
you said you'd be "happy enough with a life alone." If this is your sentiment, how did you end up meeting your husband in the first place, or seeking out a relationship in the first place? I don't ask to be faceitous, just wondering, in a way, I think I am ok with what I do, things on my own, etc. -- and I feel the desire to seek out a partner largely because it's the socially acceptable way to live, and the best way to have kids. When I asked if I was abnormal, I guess I meant, am I abnormal for liking being alone?
Posted by margie24 on June 9, 2005, at 1:02:22
In reply to Re: I need help, please tell me if I am abnormal, posted by caraher on June 6, 2005, at 23:45:57
Asya,
Friends are work. They require maintenance. I think your normal if you've gotten used to your routines and adding an extra element to your daily life seems unappealing. If your truly happy the way you are then don't change. If you feel lonely, then, branch out.
I understand. I feel like a "loser" when I measure my happiness by the number of friends I have. I've always been a one or two close friends kind of person.
Maybe the girls you talk with on the phone fulfill your social needs just fine.
I agree with everyone in that I just think it's only when you are unhappy that you'd want to consider forcing yourself to get out and make connections.Margie
Posted by Dinah on June 10, 2005, at 8:13:47
In reply to Re: ? for dinah, posted by asya on June 8, 2005, at 19:29:43
No, that's not abnormal. People have different levels of desire for social interaction, and having a low one is not bad any more than having a high one is. It might not be statistically average, but it's not abnormal.
I met my husband in high school and we dated right until we got married. If not for that, I probably would never have married.
If you're happy the way you are, then embrace that.
If you aren't then you could try making some small changes.
This is the end of the thread.
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