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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
I am just so mad, I want to scream my head off, or cry my head off, or both.
Does anyone else have a mother in law from h@ll?
They finally moved away 7 months ago out of state to live by her other son ( the golden boy). Well we were going to make a trip their next month, well, it got postponed. We don't have the money right now, Tyler my stepson needed $2000.00 more than he normally needs for college this year, our central air went out, our water heater went out, and our car needs repairs, all this month. Not to mention our medical bills. Well anyways my MIL is bad mouthing me again like it is because of me why we aren't coming. My DH cousin called today and asked my DH why he is letting me control him and that he sould go see his father because he is doing poorly.
Well my DH took care of them for the last 30 years, while his brother moved away out of state. My husband had to do everything. Now they are acting like we are totally jerks for not visiting since they moved. My husband can't belive they are putting this guilt trip on him and bad mouthing me. I guess he finally sees them for what they are. I am just tired of being the black sheep in the family. The only think I did wrong was to marry her son.:( SOmetimes life really s@cks , why do I get a mother from h@ll and then a mother in law from H@ll, and a stepdaugher from H@ll. It is so hard to be married to my husband sometimes. Sorry this is sounds so harsh, I just need to vent!
Posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 19:58:09
I am sorry you are going through a very rough time. That surely sounds wrong..
But one thing that was little curious for me from your post - since you have said your mother is bad, is it possible you are projecting it to many women you meet? I am not saying your mother in law and step daughter are good, but is it possible that you tend to be little more wary of women than men?
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:12:02
> I am sorry you are going through a very rough time. That surely sounds wrong..
>
Thanks pinkeye!> But one thing that was little curious for me from your post - since you have said your mother is bad, is it possible you are projecting it to many women you meet? I am not saying your mother in law and step daughter are good, but is it possible that you tend to be little more wary of women than men?
Yes I am more sensitive to women, this is true. But in this case my MIL and stepdaughter are very jeolous of my husband and his affection torwards me and our kids.
I have another stepdaugher who is wonderful! She is going to have a baby at the end of Aug. and I am so excited. I have a great stepson too, I love these kids like they are my own kids. I have been in their live for over 13 years and they are in their early 20's.
In the case of my MIL, I don't anyone who really likes her, even her own siblings. She is a very sad lonely women who thinks she can control everyone.
Posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:22:52
Your MIL definitely sounds very bad. Maybe not bad, but just very sad and lonely and confused.
Something that has been helping me of late is to try to undersatnd the needs people have and why they act the way they do. Previously I used to think of people as being bad when they are behaving bad, and jealous and hurting others. But now I think - "Oh, how much of hell this person must have had to endure to turn out this way".. and to understand how much of suffering people must have gone through in their own lives if they have to turn it towards others.
Maybe your MIL is a lost cause.. but your stepdautgher might be worth putting more effort into having a relationship - since she has probably gone through a very difficult time in childhood and didn't learn the right way of coping up and is taking it out on you. Maybe you can try to help her seek counselling or try to talk to her with the knowledge that you have gained from your therapy. Sometimes when we extend ourselves first, people take it.
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:37:34
> Your MIL definitely sounds very bad. Maybe not bad, but just very sad and lonely and confused.
>
Believe me I haven't even skimmed the surface of her. It would take years to tell everyone about her. lol There is no question about her, even my husband finally sees it. It is sad though.
> Something that has been helping me of late is to try to undersatnd the needs people have and why they act the way they do. Previously I used to think of people as being bad when they are behaving bad, and jealous and hurting others. But now I think - "Oh, how much of hell this person must have had to endure to turn out this way".. and to understand how much of suffering people must have gone through in their own lives if they have to turn it towards others.I think this is so true! I think there are so many of us that has endured so much. I think everyones past, either positive or negative, offects how they are as adults.
>
> Maybe your MIL is a lost cause.. but your stepdautgher might be worth putting more effort into having a relationship - since she has probably gone through a very difficult time in childhood and didn't learn the right way of coping up and is taking it out on you. Maybe you can try to help her seek counselling or try to talk to her with the knowledge that you have gained from your therapy. Sometimes when we extend ourselves first, people take it.My arms are open for her when she decides that she wants us in her life again. She is hasn't dealt with her parents divorse yet, and she is 26, and needs to get the anger out about it. All the years I have been in her life, she has taken her anger out on me, instead of her father who she is really disapointed in. He is a good father, but in her eyes he can never do enough for her. My husband and her had a major falling out about 3 years ago and they haven't even spoke to each other all this time. Me, I am just staying out of it, because it is between the 2 of them, and I don't want to be her punching bag. The problem I have with her, she is the oldest, she tries to influence her younger siblings not to love their father. Luckly they can think for themselves and we all have a wonderful relationship with them. :)
Posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:50:51
Yeah, if she is 26 there is really nothing much you could do. But maybe you can ask your husband to try to make peace with her and talk to her openly. Talking almost always helps if done in the right way. It might be best for you not to interfere in that. It should really be dealt with by your husband.
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:00:48
> Yeah, if she is 26 there is really nothing much you could do. But maybe you can ask your husband to try to make peace with her and talk to her openly. Talking almost always helps if done in the right way. It might be best for you not to interfere in that. It should really be dealt with by your husband.
Yes, I agree. He has tried, she won't take his calls, and his letters get unanswerd. He really wrote some heart felt letters. There is such much more to the story, that spans over 16 years, that I could tell. I have gotten hurt very deeply by her, I love her, and she only rejects me. The whole situation over the years have hurt me especially with the situation with my husbands ex wife. ( did I add her to my list) lol It is sad that divorsed parents can't just put aside their differences for the sake of their kids. Kids are the ones who suffer always. It is sad. But I do agree it is up to her and my DH to work it out.
Posted by pinkeye on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:23
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:18:53
yeah.. that is why I think it is best not to go through a divorce when kids are there - atleast till they are 15 or 16 years old. But after that it becomes too late anyway I think.
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:24
In reply to relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 19:58:09
> I am just so mad, I want to scream my head off, or cry my head off, or both.
> Does anyone else have a mother in law from h@ll?Yep, I do too, but what saved me is when our oldest was 14 mos old, we agreed to have her baptised in my MIL church because I thought it would please her, and make her like me. Well, the whole trip was hell for me, she did everything she could to make my life a living hell. At the end of the trip I threatened to divorce my husband bec. of her, and we ended up in marriage counseling, which was the best thing that we've ever done for our marriage. The counselor basically told him that he married me, and it was time to leave his mother and cleave unto me, and to be a man and set firm boundaries with her, and he did. He's been pretty good about it. She still badmouths me to the family, talks to my kids behind my back, said stuff about my mom when she was alive, barely acknowledged her death, and tries to control all of her kids. I hate her, but at least I don't have to deal with her much.
> They finally moved away 7 months ago out of state to live by her other son ( the golden boy).
Good riddence to them! I hope the golden boy gets a good taste of her hellish behavior. Is he married? You can be more free if you can just get your husband to see all of it, and to choose you and your marriage over his mommy dearest.
?Well we were going to make a trip their next month, well, it got postponed. We don't have the money right now, Tyler my stepson needed $2000.00 more than he normally needs for college this year, our central air went out, our water heater went out, and our car needs repairs, all this month. Not to mention our medical bills. Well anyways my MIL is bad mouthing me again like it is because of me why we aren't coming.
OMGosh, I am so sorry! What exactly doesn't she understand? (sarcasm) How much more clear could it be? You come first, your family comes first, and your finances have to be good to do other stuff. I"ve told my husband I won't go to their house ever again, and he supports me. He goes, the kids go, but not me. Because he can set boundaries now, she doesn't talk to him behind my back anymore. He won't let her. He supports me to her. Can you get your husband to marriage counseling?
> husband can't belive they are putting this guilt trip on him and bad mouthing me. I guess he finally sees them for what they are. I am just tired of being the black sheep in the family. The only think I did wrong was to marry her son.
I hope he can see it all now! I hope he sees more, and I hope you can get some counseling so he can learn how to deal with them! I'm sorry about the DIL, but there's nothing you can do except be there if she comes back. You have done all you can. You don't sound harsh, but some ppl are just unhappy and want everyone else to be miserable. I'm so sorry about your mom, your MIL, and your DIL. You are bigger than me because I couldn't handle all of that.
(((((hugs)))))
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 23:23:24
In reply to Re: relieved for therapy this week, very sh#tty day » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 22:59:27
Jazzy,
We must have the same MIL! I even tried to go to their church and everything. I tried so hard in the beggining to have her like me. But some people you just can't please.
I swear we are sisters or soul mates or something, our lives are so much in common!
My BIL is married, and his wife went through the ringer with our MIL, but lucky for her they moved away. But now they are taking this "we can do better" for them. Well she is sure making her mark on them!
My husband has gotten much better about this, but it took me and every failed relationship of his to see how she is.
He did call her tonight, and told her to quit bad mouthing me and it wasn't my fault we have to postpone the trip. But you know what, I am not going to go there. Nope! My well of forgiveness is dry for her. She even makes my kids cry, they don't want to go either. I hope I can be a lot nicer of a MIL when my kids get married. I have learned what NOT to do. lol
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 23:31:41
In reply to Mother in laws from H@ll » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 23:11:11
> Jazzy,
> We must have the same MIL! I even tried to go to their church and everything. I tried so hard in the beggining to have her like me. But some people you just can't please.
> I swear we are sisters or soul mates or something, our lives are so much in common!I have felt this way too Happy. Sometimes there's just this incredible connection, and I felt we were "sisters" too. ; )
>
> My husband has gotten much better about this, but it took me and every failed relationship of his to see how she is.
> He did call her tonight, and told her to quit bad mouthing me and it wasn't my fault we have to postpone the trip.So glad to hear this, I"ve seen marriages where the husband just can't put the wife 1st and the MIL law is always 1st. That is sad for all concerned.
But you know what, I am not going to go there. Nope! My well of forgiveness is dry for her. She even makes my kids cry, they don't want to go either. I hope I can be a lot nicer of a MIL when my kids get married. I have learned what NOT to do. lol
Nope, don't mess with my kids! Inexcusable for an adult to behave so poorly. I hope I can be a good MIL too.
Jazzy
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