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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on June 29, 2005, at 16:18:54
I do this to avoid any contact with my husband.
To avoid sex, conversation, etc.
I just can't deal with it anymore. It's why I often drink myself into a coma everynight. To avoid him.
And I wonder, do I dislike him because of him, or do I dislike him because I feel he is somehow keeping me from the life I think I want or deserve. Including the man I want. Funny to think of that after enduring almost 20 years, I finally realize the problem. I am simply not in love. I never was. And how do you tell someone you have slept next to for 20 years that you don't love them anymore?
Posted by partlycloudy on June 29, 2005, at 16:29:53
In reply to I pretend to be asleep, posted by AdaGrace on June 29, 2005, at 16:18:54
Tell him after you have saved up first and last month's rent.
Love,
pc
Posted by uncle lou on June 29, 2005, at 22:20:00
In reply to I pretend to be asleep, posted by AdaGrace on June 29, 2005, at 16:18:54
Your comment "It's why I often drink myself into a coma everynight" really caught my eye. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and that sounds exactly like the kind of insane rationalization I used to use to drink. If you're capable of really getting honest with yourself, you may find that you dislike him because you really dislike yourself. It's very easy to project feelings of low self worth onto someone else to avoid looking at ourselves. I did it for years to my wife until I got sober.
Posted by woolav on June 30, 2005, at 14:02:07
In reply to Re: I pretend to be asleep, posted by uncle lou on June 29, 2005, at 22:20:00
Hey, just wanted to say I can relate. I was married for 14 years before I took the step to end it..it seemed like at the end, we were more like roommates than a married couple. I avoided him as well. If i heard him coming, I would run to the bathroom or whatever. I wasnt drinking like you have been, but i was smoking pot. It was to go to sleep everynight..(almost similiar to u) but, It took alot of guts and medication, for me to be able to leave and start over. Its been 2+ years now and I am re-married and have a new life. I am friends with my ex, well, we dont fight. We both realized that we were never good being married to each other, we would have made better friends.
But, my point is. If you feel this way, then you may need to get out. Your husband prob. feels the same way. There is a whole world out there and its amazing how life can change so much. I used to think life was hopeless, until I moved away and started over.
Good Luck
S
Posted by AdaGrace on July 1, 2005, at 11:08:57
In reply to I pretend to be asleep, posted by AdaGrace on June 29, 2005, at 16:18:54
I am stuck because I refuse to hurt anyone.
Yeah, I blame him for my alcoholism.
I use alcohol as an excuse.And yes Uncle Lou, I hate myself.
I hate me with a vengful passion like no other.And the only thing that makes me feel like I can cope with myself and everyone else is alcohol.
Guess that statement just confirms yours. Bully for you. You're not the first to tell me and you won't be the last. It will eventually kill me. I'll let it consume me. What else is there to do? It's not like I have a life or anything. Not likly to change anytime soon. Not like I'm going to hit rock bottom in the gutter one of these days. Just gonna find me face down in the pillow like in that song Whiskey Lullaby.
People should never really put faith in other people.
People should never think that love is real.And people should NEVER say it when they don't mean it.
Posted by Uncle Lou on July 1, 2005, at 11:34:14
In reply to Re: I pretend to be asleep, posted by AdaGrace on July 1, 2005, at 11:08:57
If you know that alcohol is the only thing that makes you feel like you can cope, that's not unusual. I felt the same way since I starting drinking in my teens. Although you might feel like no one else can relate or understand what you're going through, you and I and alot more people out there are exactly the same. You're not an alcoholic because of your husband, you're not an alcoholic because of the way you were brought up, you're not an alcoholic because anything 'made' you that way. You have a disease. I used to think it was b*llshit too. I don't anymore, I understand that our brains are wired different than 'normal' drinkers. Accepting that fact made recovery for me possible. I won't bore you with anymore alcoholic talk unless you want to hear it. Let me know.
This is the end of the thread.
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