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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on August 12, 2005, at 11:50:45
I have a narcissistic (agressive at that) step father who i unfortunately work for. He thinks because he pays me he has utter control of my life. I made a decision to switch schools for my daughter, and this wasnt his choice, so he freaked out. Now he says he wants to look at my husband and I's personal bank acct. so he can see where our money is going. (my girl was going to private school, so they think we couldnt afford it because we were blowing money) First off, my daughter wanted to switch schools, she hated it..
anyway...
I feel like i am dealing with the devil himself. Please say a prayer for me and give me strenth.
Thanks
Sandy
Posted by Tamar on August 12, 2005, at 13:43:04
In reply to HELP ME, posted by woolav on August 12, 2005, at 11:50:45
That sounds like a pretty frustrating situation.
If it were me I would probably swear at him. But that's not usually a very helpful response...
Have you tried laughing at him? Sometimes that works pretty well. You have to try to make the laugh sound natural. But in a way it is funny (in the sense of ridiculous) that your step-father should think he has any right to examine your personal finances.
Sending you big waves of strength...
Tamar
Posted by ClearSkies on August 12, 2005, at 14:53:51
In reply to Re: HELP ME » woolav, posted by Tamar on August 12, 2005, at 13:43:04
Actually, laughing at the guy would probably infuriate him. Just do it from a safe distance. Like over the phone.
ClearSkies
Posted by greyskyeyes on August 12, 2005, at 15:52:24
In reply to HELP ME, posted by woolav on August 12, 2005, at 11:50:45
Is it possible/ realistic for you to look for a new job? Sometimes the best way to deal with a toxic situation (and this certainly sounds like one) is to remove yourself from it entirely.
As for your daughter, you don't have to offer any explanation except for the fact that you are her mother and you know and are doing what's best for her. He (and anyone else) can butt out. Same goes for your bank account - absolutely *none* of his business. If you (hypothetically) wanted to blow all of your savings and invest in plastic pink flamingos, that's your business and yours alone. But you know all this... and it's so much easier said than done. Sounds like he has a serious boundary problem. I feel for you. I'm generally not much of a praying person but I'll say one for you.
Posted by Tamar on August 12, 2005, at 20:49:04
In reply to Re: HELP ME, posted by ClearSkies on August 12, 2005, at 14:53:51
> Actually, laughing at the guy would probably infuriate him. Just do it from a safe distance. Like over the phone.
That's true... laughing might infuriate him. The point about laughing is that it indicates a sense of emotional security about the other person's response.
Laughing suggests: "I don't particularly care what you think, but since you obviously don't care what I think, it doesn't really matter."
I noticed at school that the people who got the least hassle from bullies were the ones who could laugh at them...
Tamar
Posted by woolav on August 13, 2005, at 11:38:24
In reply to Re: HELP ME » ClearSkies, posted by Tamar on August 12, 2005, at 20:49:04
Posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:49:10
In reply to HELP ME, posted by woolav on August 12, 2005, at 11:50:45
What does your husband say about this sandy? I'd say a new job is the safest and sanest thing for you to do. He does sound very toxic, and he has absolutely no right to examine anything of yours. Sounds like you need to do some work on boundaries, I'm working on that too. I think there's a book called "Boundaries", but you might explore the topic to see what you can glean. Do you have a T who can help you learn to set boundaries?
fairywings
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