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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on August 25, 2005, at 23:04:52
Well, it has become quite clear to me that both of my parents, BOTH of them are quite ill
-THANKS FOR THE GROOVY GENES FOLKS!!! and all the wacky "nurture"
So my fate it seems is intertwined with theirs, for all the hatred I have harbored for their instability, I have it as well. I'm seriously trying to understand their limitations-and I don't like it, because I don't want them.
Do I really need these damn medications???!! I say, and I think "Well yeah!!", and then I think "Well, if you just got through the withdrawal and backlash of them then you'd find a way to cope." I am not my parents after all. Not right now I guess, just trying to sort it out.
Posted by Damos on August 26, 2005, at 0:07:01
In reply to My parents are insane-quite mad, posted by sleepygirl on August 25, 2005, at 23:04:52
You'll get there sleepy, you will. They are what they are, but they are not you, and you are not them. I think we all struggle with our olds to some extent. Sadly some more than others. You just focus on you and getting to a place where the you you want to begin to become. There's a whole world of babblers ridin' along beside you.
Posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 9:55:55
In reply to Re: My parents are insane-quite mad » sleepygirl, posted by Damos on August 26, 2005, at 0:07:01
and just think of it this way- if your parents had been on meds, maybe their "nurture" would have actually been positive.
Don't look at meds as a bad thing. You'd be on insulin if you were diabetic...
But, yeah, I had the same epiphany about me and my mother... But at least I AM choosing to medicate myself and not being horrible to those around me!!!
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 13:19:13
In reply to Re: My parents are insane-quite mad, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 9:55:55
I think it's majorly important to get to a space of not seeing yourself through your parents' eyes anymore, and not seeing them through yours, either. I guess. That's how it is for me. I just was finally able to disconnect. I saw them as people completely separate from me.. we have physical characteristics that're very similar, BUT I am me and they are themselves. It bugs me that my voice is like my mother's, and I see my mother's body, and my father's, as well, in mine. It bugs me that my father's behaviours all MY life (who knows what he was like before me?) were psychopathic in nature, and I don't think he is a psychopath, but I might never know for sure; I know many of his behaviours and life outcomes point that way; but that doesn't mean I am .. what it means is that I learned behaviours that were inconsistent with my true nature, and I think I got slightly psychotic from that, but I'm on AD's and I sought counselling and I did a heck of a lot of reading and pondering and trying to communicate.. and he did some of that, too.. but he didn't go far enough.
But that doesn't mean I won't. That means I've already stepped WAY beyond where he's been, so far .. and I'm really proud of that. Seeing how my parents are, (my mother's a different story and I might never have hers sorted out).. but seeing how they are and seeing how I understand I'm different, helped me let go of my fear that I was the same, and then my anger at having been their child. Theirs, when I might have had much better parents, better opportunities.. but the truth is that they gave me the tools, too, to be able to see how I am, indeed, different .. and they gave me the greatest thing of all, the best gift ever .. Life.
I sound like the religiously converted.. Hah!
Posted by sleepygirl on August 29, 2005, at 23:02:30
In reply to Re: My parents are insane-quite mad, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 13:19:13
It's good to see that someone has such perspective on it. I'm not anywhere close to that yet.
It really bothers me that my mother will NEVER be happy and I can't really change that-and I've lost so much of myself thinking that I could.
My family is so disconnected. I don't even know my father anymore. I saw him a couple of years ago for an hour or so, but other than that it was 16 years ago that he left, and for all the misery and chaos contained in their marriage, so it went-that's it-for nothing-less than nothing-at a real cost in fact.
I do have so many more possibilities than them, and I'm sad because of it, because it's in spite of them. Wow this really sucks. I hate being from them, and I wish this statement didn't feel so true.
Thanks for the response. :-)
Posted by Susan47 on August 29, 2005, at 23:44:54
In reply to Re: My parents are insane-quite mad » Susan47, posted by sleepygirl on August 29, 2005, at 23:02:30
I've found it true for me that I didn't get to a place of peace of being from them until I'd come to the hate of being from them. You're likely on the right road, you know, because you already articulate the problem really well. You kind of know what your work is, what you need to accept and kind of.. I don't know, embrace (overused term, isn't it?) who you are as part of them as well as separate from them.
Especially the separate part.
Easy to say once you've been there.
This is the end of the thread.
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