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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by quietheart on August 9, 2005, at 16:56:57
I was wondering what you all think of the following:
1) What would be your best advice about how to find that one person?
2) Do you believe being single is unnatural?
3) Do you believe one can make it work with a broad range of people if he/she tries?
4) At what age do you think a person should give up trying?
5) If one hasn't met that certain someone, do you think moving to a metropolis where there would be a greater chance of meeting someone is a wise decision or desperate?
6) Do you think some people are meant to be single?
7) What do you recommend for someone who, in her late twenties, hasn't been in a serious relationship?As you can see, I am feeling crazily insecure about my singleness right now. Please help by answering these questions. Also, this discussion might be interesting for others too.
Posted by sunny10 on August 10, 2005, at 8:48:12
In reply to Single and (maybe) desperate . . . straw poll, posted by quietheart on August 9, 2005, at 16:56:57
> I was wondering what you all think of the following:
>
> 1) What would be your best advice about how to find that one person?
be yourself> 2) Do you believe being single is unnatural?
it is a part of life> 3) Do you believe one can make it work with a broad range of people if he/she tries?
only to an extent- you have to have the same core values- and only you can decide what those are> 4) At what age do you think a person should give up trying?
never- unless you want to> 5) If one hasn't met that certain someone, do you think moving to a metropolis where there would be a greater chance of meeting someone is a wise decision or desperate?
Not desperate if you would be comfortable being yourself in a metropolis.> 6) Do you think some people are meant to be single?
not for the whole of their lives- I think it is important to know love as part of life's process.> 7) What do you recommend for someone who, in her late twenties, hasn't been in a serious relationship?
late twenties is nothing. Frankly I'd be more suprised if you'd HAD a meaningful relationship by then. You and your potential mates have a few years yet of maturing before you are capable of a meaningful relationship!>
> As you can see, I am feeling crazily insecure about my singleness right now. Please help by answering these questions. Also, this discussion might be interesting for others too.I think all of us are a little insecure while single. I also think that this is because for so long, society has frowned upon anyone not seen as monogamous (ie; singles!). Lighten up on yourself- worry lines will mark your young, vibrant face!!
Posted by Angela2 on August 10, 2005, at 10:38:06
In reply to Single and (maybe) desperate . . . straw poll, posted by quietheart on August 9, 2005, at 16:56:57
> I was wondering what you all think of the following:
>
> 1) What would be your best advice about how to find that one person?
> 2) Do you believe being single is unnatural?
> 3) Do you believe one can make it work with a broad range of people if he/she tries?
> 4) At what age do you think a person should give up trying?
> 5) If one hasn't met that certain someone, do you think moving to a metropolis where there would be a greater chance of meeting someone is a wise decision or desperate?
> 6) Do you think some people are meant to be single?
> 7) What do you recommend for someone who, in her late twenties, hasn't been in a serious relationship?
>
> As you can see, I am feeling crazily insecure about my singleness right now. Please help by answering these questions. Also, this discussion might be interesting for others too.
Quietheart,
It is very understandable that you feel this way! When you see a couple you automatically think of happiness forever, and social acceptance.I am a little insecure about my singleness. I wonder how many other people are?
Here's my answer to yuor questions:
1.) Make yourself happy first. Having a low self esteem and being in a relationship is difficult for people to pull off. If you want to meet people, volunteer or take a class. Do something you are interested in. I have always thought of bars as being places where people have one night stands. Although my mom and dad met in a bar so go figure.
2.) In some ways I feel like everyone should have a partner. But about a year ago when I was single I was very happy and wasn't insecure about my singleness at all.
Gotta go. Will answer the rest later.
Posted by Angela2 on August 11, 2005, at 7:31:48
In reply to Re: Single and (maybe) desperate . . . straw poll, posted by Angela2 on August 10, 2005, at 10:38:06
OK, here's the rest.
3.) No. Unless you are super human.
4.) I think if it's something you want, it doesn't matter what age you are.
5.) Wise.
6.) Yes. But not for their whole lives.
7.) Figure out what you are looking for in a man. Are you comfortable having sex with someone whithin the first say, 2 months of your relationship? Are you waiting to have sex till your married? Define your values. Do you mind if your partner drinks? Does drugs? Also, Do things that make you feel good about yourself. And Try to forget about your singleness insecurity. Enjoy life.
Posted by Tamar on August 11, 2005, at 12:34:58
In reply to Single and (maybe) desperate . . . straw poll, posted by quietheart on August 9, 2005, at 16:56:57
Here are my answers to your questions!
> 1) What would be your best advice about how to find that one person?
Don’t try too hard. Just be yourself, and show interest in others as people.
> 2) Do you believe being single is unnatural?
Not at all.
> 3) Do you believe one can make it work with a broad range of people if he/she tries?
Definitely. But it helps if you choose someone who has a similar background to yours.
> 4) At what age do you think a person should give up trying?
I don’t know anyone who is too old to need love. There’s no upper age limit.
> 5) If one hasn't met that certain someone, do you think moving to a metropolis where there would be a greater chance of meeting someone is a wise decision or desperate?
Wise. But also it’s necessary to do things that will increase your chances of meeting people (for friendship as well as for love, partly because having friends is nice and partly because you can meet partners through friends). For example, find a hobby you enjoy where you can meet new people.
> 6) Do you think some people are meant to be single?
A few. But not many. And the people who are meant to be single know that they want to be single and aren’t looking for a partner.
> 7) What do you recommend for someone who, in her late twenties, hasn't been in a serious relationship?
I’d recommend developing a knowledge of yourself. Are you shy? Do you find it hard to get to know people? Do you like yourself? How do you feel about your attractiveness, sexuality, personality, family life, and stuff like that?
Many people who are looking for a partner find it difficult to be confident. Confidence attracts people. If you feel you are lacking in confidence, it might be a good idea to find a way of increasing your confidence. I’m talking about confidence in all aspects of life; not just in meeting people for relationships.
> As you can see, I am feeling crazily insecure about my singleness right now. Please help by answering these questions. Also, this discussion might be interesting for others too.
It can be lonely being single, especially if you’re at an age where a lot of your friends and acquaintances are settling down with partners. But you still have plenty of time to find someone special.
Just my two cents!
Tamar
Posted by Racer on August 31, 2005, at 0:33:26
In reply to Single and (maybe) desperate . . . straw poll, posted by quietheart on August 9, 2005, at 16:56:57
> I was wondering what you all think of the following:
>
> 1) What would be your best advice about how to find that one person?Don't look too single-mindedly. I met my husband at a point in my life when I wanted one thing: casual dating. I'd been in a relationship for a long time, and really wanted a chance to learn what I wanted, what I liked, what I was capable of.
Best laid plans and all that, we were living together within six months.
> 2) Do you believe being single is unnatural?
No. I tend to think that there's a huge variation in what's "natural."
> 3) Do you believe one can make it work with a broad range of people if he/she tries?
Yes, and no. You can make it work with a range of people, but only if you're not "settling" for your partner. Trust me, I tried to settle and it just doesn't work.
> 4) At what age do you think a person should give up trying?
At death. Seriously, there's no age to give up trying, especially since after a certain time you tend to care a bit less, which tends to make you more attractive. Bit of a conundrum, what?
> 5) If one hasn't met that certain someone, do you think moving to a metropolis where there would be a greater chance of meeting someone is a wise decision or desperate?
What else is there for you in this metropolis? That's the real question. Moving simply in hopes of meeting a partner is rather desperate, and likely to be an unhappy decision. What happens if you're in this new place, not meeting anyone, and without your familiar places and faces? That's misery.
> 6) Do you think some people are meant to be single?
Yes, but they tend to live in small huts in the woods and file their teeth to sharp points. (Or their lips move when they watch TV. Take your pick...)
> 7) What do you recommend for someone who, in her late twenties, hasn't been in a serious relationship?
Relax. Cultivate your interests, get involved in community activities -- especially volunteer work -- and enjoy your life. Those things not only help you feel good about your life while single, they also make you about six times more attractive.
I hope this helps a bit. Good luck.
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