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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joslynn on September 1, 2005, at 16:27:10
You know, when I was single, I used to feel worried about not finding a nice guy. (I found other guys who weren't quite right for me, or just had these pseudo relationships or was just isolated for dating for years and years at a stretch.)
Now I have met a truly nice guy who loves me and I love him. He didn't run screaming when I told him that in the past, I have had issues with depression and anxiety, but I am in treatment for it.
Well, I used to think, when I get into a relationship, then I bet my insecurities and anxieties will just kind of dissipate.
HA HA HA HA HA!
I still have my anxieties and insecurities and fear of abandonment, yet now, I know what it's like to really love someone, so I know what I would lose if I lose it.
And yet part of me wants to run away from someone really great. All because of fear, fear of loss, fear of...what? The future with him, the future without him.
Oh, by the way, I haven't been to therapy in a month, can you tell?
But anyway, being in a good relationhship, while wonderful in so many ways (and God knows I love N, I truly do)....welll....it's not really the paradise cure-all. I STILL have my issues. And now, with taking emotional risks, there is more to be anxious about. With love comes more to lose.
This is rather ironic, discovering this.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 1, 2005, at 20:18:19
In reply to single life vs. relationship life, posted by Joslynn on September 1, 2005, at 16:27:10
No, it doesn't eliminate the issues, but it is absolutely wonderful to have someone by your side while you continue to work through them.
My husband and I were married for at least 5 years before I decided he really wasn't going to leave me! Poor guy--maybe he's crazier than I am! ;~} It still sneaks up on me some days (mostly PMS) but I've gotten to the point I can pretty much ignore it. One of these days you will be able to ignore it too! God bless you both!
crazy teresa
Posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2005, at 19:10:51
In reply to Re: single life vs. relationship life » Joslynn, posted by crazy teresa on September 1, 2005, at 20:18:19
I've been married for l0 years to someone I 'm pretty sure won't leave me. But i too have terrible abandonment issues and a few days ago we were in Florida. Drove l5 hours. I was tired and fell asleep around 9 and when I awoke he was gone! Keys and wallet too. I threw on my clothes ran downstairs and out the hotel door trying to find him. It took 30mg of valium to calm me down when he found me. He was at the hotel and the guy downstairs who told me he walked to convenience store had just been talking with him. I need a good therapist! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2005, at 23:26:30
In reply to single life vs. relationship life, posted by Joslynn on September 1, 2005, at 16:27:10
Sounds like you need to talk about this with a therapist, though. If he hasn't given you reason to believe he would run from you, but you're afraid he might, then you can work to change that feeling and not have it anymore. But it'll be work and it's hard to be unafraid. With something this big, this important, this potentially fulfilling and wonderful.. it's really true that you don't know what you're losing until you've had it. "Ignorance is Bliss" isn't really true, I mean, ignorance is a flat state of being, really.. bliss is Being There. You know, like Peter Sellers.. bliss is the knowing that when you love someone with your whole heart, you love yourself as well and you accept their love for you and you recognize that here is a person who also loves himself, respects himself and now wants you to share his life. That's huge; it wonderful and exciting and complimentary .. I can only imagine it, I haven't had it but one-sided and fantasized it, as well. Now I know, though, what potential there is for Happiness, Contentment .. A Life Shared.
You actually have that, so your feeling must be stronger than the one I had .. knowing what it is to have it makes the thought of losing it really scary, I'll bet. You have great courage to love someone this much...
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2005, at 18:02:26
In reply to Re: single life vs. relationship life » Joslynn, posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2005, at 23:26:30
Silly me. My mind wandered over to the Peter Sellers movie "Being There" you know, where everything and anything is possible?
This is the end of the thread.
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