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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on September 20, 2005, at 17:09:27
I'm 35 and never had really any type of relationship with a guy. I've had a couple of one night stands, and that's it. I feel so desperate.
I know the reason for it, I was so depressed for years and had such low self esteem triggered by a disfunctional childhood. But that's not exactly something you can tell someone.
I've never even been on a real date. I don't know what to do, I feel so sad and screwed up. I know I'm at least semi-attractive. I just feel like something's wrong with me. I find myself so jealous of other people that have a significant other. I don't even know what that's like.
I feel like I will die alone.
Posted by felicity77 on September 20, 2005, at 21:13:59
In reply to I feel like a freak..., posted by TexasChic on September 20, 2005, at 17:09:27
Hey,
You are not a freak at all. A lot of people take a while to figure out who they are and it is only then that you are really ready for a relationship anyway. It sounds like you have worked through difficult issues and now you are ready to meet someone. That is great!
I know it is not easy to meet people, but a lot of folks are out there looking for a sensitive person such as yourself. I think the easiest thing to start doing is to find some activities you enjoy, and join clubs. There are clubs for just about anything. Do you sing? Do you play a sport? Would you want to learn? Another way to meet someone is to join a volunteering group. You will usually meet quality people who are into meaningful activities.
If that isnt yielding what you want, there are tons of dating services out there. I dont think it is embarassing to try them. Lots and lots of people meet online. You might try one of those. YOu can start by writing to someone. There is some uncertainty there of course, but it works out for people...a lot. I know tons of people who have met online.
Finally, you probably dont realize it, but if you have worked through a difficult past and are now feeling ready for a relationship, that will make one more likely. People can usually read others well, and they can tell if someone is open to meeting other people.
Thats my two cents. Best of luck to you. You are not a freak at all. Sounds like you are a complicated human being who is about to start a new chapter...
Regards,
felicity> I'm 35 and never had really any type of relationship with a guy. I've had a couple of one night stands, and that's it. I feel so desperate.
>
> I know the reason for it, I was so depressed for years and had such low self esteem triggered by a disfunctional childhood. But that's not exactly something you can tell someone.
>
> I've never even been on a real date. I don't know what to do, I feel so sad and screwed up. I know I'm at least semi-attractive. I just feel like something's wrong with me. I find myself so jealous of other people that have a significant other. I don't even know what that's like.
>
> I feel like I will die alone.
Posted by TexasChic on September 21, 2005, at 15:40:36
In reply to Re: I feel like a freak..., posted by felicity77 on September 20, 2005, at 21:13:59
Thanks so much! You made some good points and it made me feel alot better.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 16:34:13
In reply to I feel like a freak..., posted by TexasChic on September 20, 2005, at 17:09:27
Around here, some churches offer singles nights. People I've talked to who have attended say it's not exculisvely for dating, it's more about just going out and having fun with others in a group without having to feel like a 5th wheel. It would be a great way to make new friends who may feel just as you do. You could end with with a whole new support system. A lot of married couples started out as casual friends...
Posted by TexasChic on September 21, 2005, at 18:48:19
In reply to Re: I feel like a freak... » TexasChic, posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 16:34:13
Thank you, that's a good idea. However I am not religious. If I had to categorize myself I would say I'm a pantheist, which is basically an atheist who is still fairly spiritual. They have a great respect for the earth and and consider it and all of us as a part of 'God". Kind of like revering mother nature and respecting karma I guess. I wish I could find a group who believes as I do. Unfortunately I'm in the bible belt and anything but being a Christian is frowned upon. Thanks for the advice though. I kind of know what I need to do, but its just a matter of having the strength and willpower to do it (namely, getting out of the house).
Posted by crazy teresa on September 23, 2005, at 9:47:46
In reply to Re: I feel like a freak..., posted by TexasChic on September 21, 2005, at 18:48:19
Posted by fairywings on September 25, 2005, at 17:34:13
In reply to I feel like a freak..., posted by TexasChic on September 20, 2005, at 17:09:27
I'm so sorry you feel this way, but you know i think your post sound like so many ppl, not just ppl on babble, but everywhere. if you google PTSD, or childhood trauma, you'll find that it's a major problem. You're in good company, lots of ppl share the same feelings of low self esteem and inadequacy, even if they don't show it outwardly.
Do you have a therapist? I'd say that might be a good start. And felicity was right, finding something you're interested in, where you're likely to meet ppl who interest you, is a great place to start. volunteer work, like if you like dogs, how about raising a "Seeing eye dog"/"Pilot" dog? Think of volunteer work where you're likely to meet more men than women, knitting booties for babies is honorable, but you're not likely to meet many men. ; ) If you're outdoorsy, running or biking clubs are good, the sierra club has activities, stuff like that.
good luck! and don't feel bad about yourself, get out there and seize the day!
fw
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