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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on September 28, 2005, at 18:06:21
reasons why...
1. she let my father raise me until i was 13
2. she let her narcisictic new husband take over my life at 14 ( i barley knew the man)
3. she turned her back on me at 16 when i got pregnant.
4. she came back into my life when my daughter was young and acted like everything was ok
5. she let her sick husband ruin my life, over and over.
6. she always made me feel bad about myself, like i was never good enough, or i found the wrong man
etc..i never seem to do anything rightNow, 20 yrs later, i am 33 and my daughter is 16, her and her husband still try to control my life.
I made the mistake of moving to their city after my divorce, and even took a job with my "step father" because they said it would all be different now..right...i made it almost 3 years, the first one was ok, then the narcisist came back with a vengence in my stepfather, who also was my boss...I continued to live the hell for almost 2 more years, then a few weeks ago, he got into a major argument with my husband and it ended with "im going to get my gun!" needless to say, we all jumped in the car and left. Mind you, my daughter, myself and my mom witnessed this event. Well, I didnt go to work that monday following the weekend insident, duh...but my stepfather couldnt believe it. He thought i would just forget it and come back to work. he also thought my daughter would forget and she has not. Its been 3 wks now, i have not been back there, nor have i seen him. I have spoken with my mother, and she is very confused, she is sucked into a life of riches and wealth with a narcisist. and she is chosing him over me, or at least thats how i feel. She says she will leave him someday, but he has her trapped. But it is her fault that she stayed with him for 26 yrs. She keeps saying things will never be the same, well obviously not. I will never go to her house again, while that man is there. I have hated him since i was 14. My daughter is afraid of him and mom's own sister thinks the man is insane.
So, my question is, should i have a relationship with someone like her? she doesnt care about me, how could she if she let me get mentally abused by her husband for 20 yrs. Now, I am trying to find a job, and I have to list him as prev. employement bc i was there for a long time, and he is saying negative things about me when employers call, i have not gotten 2 jobs already. It seems like my mom would tell him that she would leave if he tries to f up my getting a job. i dont understand it. maybe i never will...7.she is married to a man who is a narcisist!!!!!!
Posted by crazy teresa on September 28, 2005, at 19:20:45
In reply to Should I hate my mom?????, posted by woolav on September 28, 2005, at 18:06:21
The desicions that your mother has made were hers to make. Unfortunately you and your daughter have to deal with the consequenses of those desicions.
I'm happy to hear you decided to get the hell out of that situation. As long as your mother stays with him, you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. It sounds as if the best thing would be to stay away from them.
You don't have to be mean to them, just don't take the bait. If you and your mother can talk on the phone, meet to have lunch, whatever, without him, do it if you're comfortable. I would not buy into a poor me story from her. If she doesn't get treated properly, she should leave. I don't think I would ever be comfortable in his house. I would avoid contact from him completely. You are a grown-up and you deserve to be treated as one.
The thing that I would think long and hard about--do you want your daughter to think the way he acts is acceptable--something she should expect to put up with from the men in her life someday.
Maybe all this turmoil with him is what is affecting your daughter.
I would list him as former employer on your job aps, but if there is a box to check about them contacting him for a reference, leave it blank. Or somehow indicate you do not want him contacted. You do not have to list him as a reference contact.
You could also take the time to explain to a potential employer you were in a family business position which had gone bad. I would take that into consideration if I were hiring. We all have a weasel or 2 in our families!
If he is intentionally sabataging you with false references, you can sue him. That would really get him, wouldn't it??!!
Posted by woolav on September 30, 2005, at 15:32:52
In reply to You don't have to hate her, but you can stay away. » woolav, posted by crazy teresa on September 28, 2005, at 19:20:45
This is the end of the thread.
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