![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 15:59:51
How do you deal when you are comfortable hanging out with your boyfriend, but not his friends? Or his family? What do you do? I don't have a boyfriend but This has happened to me many times in the past.
Posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 19:20:54
In reply to social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 15:59:51
Doesn't anybody have any advice? Is this too hard of a issue to write about?
Posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 19:25:33
In reply to HELLO???, posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 19:20:54
Sorry for being so confrontational. Forget I said anything...
Posted by crazy teresa on October 4, 2005, at 20:08:46
In reply to Re: HELLO???, posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 19:25:33
Hey Angela2,
Sometimes it just takes a while to feel at ease with new people. I would think it gets easier the more time you spend together hanging out. If it gets too upsetting, maybe you could drive a separate car or have someone pick you up once you've been there for a couple of hours.
Posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 21:28:44
In reply to Re: HELLO??? » Angela2, posted by crazy teresa on October 4, 2005, at 20:08:46
Crazy t,
I believe you're right. Perhaps I've just had "special circumstances." I'd really like to believe this is true.
Posted by sleepygirl on October 4, 2005, at 22:54:57
In reply to social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 15:59:51
Hey! You're funny with the sorry for being so confrontational thing, just say RESPOND DAMN IT!
It's probably the specificity of the post that keeps too many from responding. Sounds like you might just like one or two people at a time and not a freakin' crowd. I just sort of daze out for a while when that happens and hear circus music in my head - people are talking at me, but I can't tell what the heck they are saying :-) (slight exaggeration here)
But seriously, I'm not real good with the casual, talking just for the heck of it sort of conversation that you always seem to have to keep up with people you don't no too well (ex. "Oh yes, the weather, oh yes quite warm for this time of year.. blabbity, blab, blab.." and "Yeah, not sure what I'm going to do with my life yet, ha, ha, ha...." and "Oh sure, I'd love some fruit salad..."
I'd like to think it's because I just don't care or that I'm too anxious to be spontaneous and engaged, but I think it is both.
In the future say "Listen buddy! I like you, but not your entourage! I don't want to meet your aunt Betty or your friend Pete!"I'm totally kidding, just relating to the whole uncomfortable, nod and smile sort of interactions I inevitably have in these situations. I guess it would be a real problem if the guy was really involved/hung out a lot with his friends. You might have to make a real effort then to interact/engage with them, maybe a little more of listening to them, asking them questions, finding similar interests, and letting the guy know you need some help feeling comfortable around his friends.
I think this was an issue for you not so long ago, no? How did it end up?
Posted by Angela2 on October 5, 2005, at 9:11:43
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others » Angela2, posted by sleepygirl on October 4, 2005, at 22:54:57
sleepygirl, I'm gonna PM you later k.
Posted by crazy teresa on October 5, 2005, at 11:58:30
In reply to Re: HELLO???, posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 21:28:44
It's hard to be thrown into a big group where the only person you know is at ease. I don't have social anxiety and I'd rather stay home and watch tv than attend a function like that. It's no fun.
Posted by fairywings on October 10, 2005, at 23:12:41
In reply to social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 15:59:51
Hi Angela,
I'm not comfortable around my dh's family either, but then again I"m not comfortable in social situations most of the time when it involves a lot of people, making chit chat, being nice all the time, etc...
Are you normally comfortable socially? If not, maybe see a p-doc for meds, get some therapy to help. If you normally are, then you need to figure out what it is about THESE ppl that makes you uncomfortable. Is it the way they are, or the way you feel when you're around them?
fw
Posted by Damos on October 11, 2005, at 18:21:25
In reply to social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 15:59:51
Hi Angela,
Sorry for not responding sooner to a number of your posts. Please know that I read them and want to respond to most of them. It's just that they bring back memories of how I was at the same age and I begin to doubt that I can offer you anything of use.
All I can tell you is that I'm better now than I was then (thank heavens). Basically I think I'm just more accepting of myself than I was then. Less willing to make myself feel bad to make others happy (which doesn't work in the long run anyway). More willing to say "Loving and wanting to be with you, doesn't mean I have to love and want to be with your family and friends too." I can also tell you that women seem to really begin to grow into themselves in their 30's, so don't be too/so hard on yourself okay. Just be you and don't sell yourself short. I have no doubt that once you begin to accept and appreciate yourself for all the wonderful things you are, others will see it too.
One of the nicest things that's started happening lately is that a couple of friends invite me to stuff (which would have never happened in the past), but they make my not accepting okay, and in a way that makes me feel cared about.
I pretty much agonised and tormented myself through my teens, 20's and 30's so I really feel for you.
Posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:12:39
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others » Angela2, posted by Damos on October 11, 2005, at 18:21:25
Damos! Your post was so uplifting to me! I hope you are well. I don't know what else to say and you can surely blame that on my stupid social anxiety. I have it even in babbleland =P Take care. -Angela2
Posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:13:08
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:12:39
Posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:17:12
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others » Angela2, posted by fairywings on October 10, 2005, at 23:12:41
Hi Fairywings, thanks for responding to my post. In My past relationship, both was the case. I let social anxiety get in the way majorly. But they were also obnoxious pot smokers. I really would like to get help with the social anxiety thing though. Thanks again for responding. -Angela2
Posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:17:37
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:17:12
Posted by fairywings on October 12, 2005, at 21:35:53
In reply to Re: social anxiety and significant others, posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2005, at 20:17:12
Hope you do Angela, I know how hard it is, I'm the same way a lot of times, and I hate it. Wish I were naturally self confident. Love the Xanax! ; )
fw
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.