![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 8, 2005, at 21:03:47
Okay, now lets not all get our panties in a wad, but you all know my marriage is in the dumps for about 9 months now with no signs of getting any better. I haven't given up, but yet I feel like I need to be prepared.
So what what would be some good things to do before , to help me out, if this happens. I have 2 kids 9 and 10 which I homeschool. I am a SAHM, so no outside job.Okay, I know getting a job, would be good, at least a part time one. The schools are really bad here, and I can't afford a private one, so I would like to still homeschool which takes about 2 hours a day of structured activity, plus they do a couple of hours of self study during the day.
I know I should have my own car, we only have one right now. I should stash some money, right? What else, am I not thinking about?
If the worse happens, I just don't want to be caught with my pants down. Thanks!
Posted by Annierose on October 9, 2005, at 7:35:30
In reply to If you were planning a divorse what would you do?, posted by happyflower on October 8, 2005, at 21:03:47
Being married to an attorney, the very first thing I would do is to talk to one. Tell him or her that this maybe 2 - 3 years down the road, or never. But let them tell you about the laws in your state. Find out about how much support you can expect. The courts are not granting full support to stay-at-home moms anymore. You'll be expected to go and get a job (pretty sure). Look in the yellow pages. You should be able to find an attorney willing to talk to you for free or a nomial fee. It may be a shock to find out how much more difficult it will be to live without your husband. Or you'll be able to develop a plan to start working on some goals. Either way, I think you'll find it valuable to find out the reality of divorce in your state.
Posted by happyflower on October 9, 2005, at 7:57:45
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do? » happyflower, posted by Annierose on October 9, 2005, at 7:35:30
That makes sense because online there are these caculaters that will tell you how much support you would likely get. When I entered the figures without me working, the amount of child support was lower than if I was working at least some. Now it makes a lot more sense.
Posted by crazy teresa on October 9, 2005, at 10:15:19
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do? » Annierose, posted by happyflower on October 9, 2005, at 7:57:45
going to get medical care or medication for yourself. The kids will still be covered on your husband's insurance. If your income is too high to get gov't assistance with yours, you'll need a plan for that.
Are you two doing counseling together?
Posted by happyflower on October 9, 2005, at 10:52:23
In reply to You'll have to figure out how you're » happyflower, posted by crazy teresa on October 9, 2005, at 10:15:19
No he refuses to get any kind of therapy. I will need some insurance coverage to cover all my astma meds, they are so expensive.
Posted by fairywings on October 10, 2005, at 22:36:27
In reply to Re: You'll have to figure out how you're » crazy teresa, posted by happyflower on October 9, 2005, at 10:52:23
Hi HF,
I agree with Annie, find the best attorney you can afford, and yes stashing some money away isn't a bad idea. So many women end up getting "scr*wed" or settling for less than what they should. AND the one thing you don't anticipate is your dh getting HIS panties in a wad! You never know how someone will react when confronted with something like a divorce, plus once he starts talking to an atty, they might advise him to "go after you", or try to get you to settle for less. You just never know. My father was an atty., and I heard all kind of weird things, and attys can be viscious, cut throat, and take you completely off guard.
Also what crazyt said, health coverage is expensive, better be looking into the cost, esp. if you have asthma or any other condition that will be considered "pre-existing", more than likely, it won't be covered, at least for the first year.
Also, think about how you'd be telling the kids, how they'd take it, and what if any mental health care they'll need to deal with it.
Good luck with your decisions.
fw
Posted by Mal on October 12, 2005, at 7:37:12
In reply to If you were planning a divorse what would you do?, posted by happyflower on October 8, 2005, at 21:03:47
My friend is leaving her husband at the end of this month. He has been emotionally abusing her for their 20 year marriage. (He has fits of rage that don't include violence toward her, but he is a control freak and blames her for any little thing that goes wrong, screams at her, etc.) I have known her for around 10 years and she has never seemed happy to me. Fortunately, no kids, and VERY fortunately- a terrifically understanding employer. She has talked to an attourney, an apt. leased, opened her own checking acct. They have been really wise with their money, so she will take out half their checking and half their savings when she leaves. And her opportunity to leave comes up- her husband will be out of town for a week and she just won't be there when he returns. SHe is hoping to avoid any confrontation that might get violent that way. SHe is also going to take the first few days off work and take alittle trip so as to thwart any effort he might make at ambushing her at her car after work. I think she is doing her thing the safest way it can be done, but I am still full of anxiety for her. ANyway, those are things for you to think about, too.
Hope it's helpful-
MAL
Posted by fairywings on October 12, 2005, at 21:38:49
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do? » happyflower, posted by Mal on October 12, 2005, at 7:37:12
Hi Mal,
That really sucks! I hope she can make a clean break, and he leaves her alone. Sounds like a real SOB! Maybe she could use some babble support when she's up to it.
fw
> My friend is leaving her husband at the end of this month. He has been emotionally abusing her for their 20 year marriage.
>
> Hope it's helpful-
> MAL
Posted by Mal on October 13, 2005, at 8:54:28
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do? » Mal, posted by fairywings on October 12, 2005, at 21:38:49
FW- I have told her about this site a long time ago. But since then I have posted a LOT of VERY personal stuff here, so you might understand my hesitance to really encourage her here... (DOes that make me a terribly selfish bitch?)
However, she is seeing a T through this, and it is covered by her insurance. SHe has had to pay for the first 2 visits, but from here on out it will be $5/visit- very affordable.
THanks for your concern-
MAL> Hi Mal,
>
> That really sucks! I hope she can make a clean break, and he leaves her alone. Sounds like a real SOB! Maybe she could use some babble support when she's up to it.
>
> fw
>
Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 10:06:02
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do? » fairywings, posted by Mal on October 13, 2005, at 8:54:28
> FW- I have told her about this site a long time ago. But since then I have posted a LOT of VERY personal stuff here, so you might understand my hesitance to really encourage her here... (DOes that make me a terribly selfish bitch?)
Not at all, I wouldn't either. Besides, I"m sure if she really wants to, she can find her own site, there are plenty out there.
>
> However, she is seeing a T through this, and it is covered by her insurance. SHe has had to pay for the first 2 visits, but from here on out it will be $5/visit- very affordable.Wow, that's awesome...$5? I have to pay $30 a visit, but I won't complain since I have ins. and can go at all.
fw
Posted by Medusa on October 15, 2005, at 5:50:12
In reply to If you were planning a divorse what would you do?, posted by happyflower on October 8, 2005, at 21:03:47
In addition to the advice here, I'd suggest looking for divorce-specific support sites. Google "divorce support" or something like that and look around until you find one that works for you.
I think it's great you're preparing for all options. It actually gives you a better chance of making your marriage work if you're willing and able to walk away.
Posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 4:11:13
In reply to Re: If you were planning a divorse what would you do?, posted by Medusa on October 15, 2005, at 5:50:12
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.