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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by coachdee on October 21, 2005, at 12:14:52
I was friends with a guy for two years when we decided to take it to the next level and become lovers (couldn't be anything else because he was in a committed relationship). It worked great for a year then now it's like he is avoiding me like the plague. And it really hurts. He was like a big brother to me and I could tell him anything. What am I supposed to do? I miss talking to him and just hanging around with him. Someone please send me some advice.
Coachdee
Posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 17:29:41
In reply to Lovers or friends or nothing?, posted by coachdee on October 21, 2005, at 12:14:52
I’m sorry it hurts. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in.
Did his significant other find out about you? She might have told him to stop speaking to you.
Or perhaps he's decided to renew his commitment to her as an exclusive thing, and he doesn't want to blur the boundaries by being friendly with you.
I think he should at least give you an explanation, but people don't always do the decent thing. And the 'other woman' often loses out in situations like this.
I'm sorry your friend doesn't seem to have the integrity to talk to you honestly.
I think you have two options. You can either contrive to meet him somehow and ask why he seems to be avoiding you, or you can decide he has breached the terms of your friendship and resolve not to speak to him again.
But I’m sorry to say I think it sounds as if he’s decided it’s over between you.
If I were in your situation I’d probably feel pretty angry. And even as the ‘other woman’ you’re still allowed to feel angry when your partner isn’t honest with you.
Do you have any friends in real life you can talk to about it – maybe people who know him?
Tamar
Posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2005, at 21:56:52
In reply to Re: Lovers or friends or nothing? » coachdee, posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 17:29:41
It sounds like he was with someone then when he got together with you it was just the two of you, is that right coachdee? But whatever the reason if he's avoiding you then let it slide. You have to. You have no other real choice, anything else would be unnecessary suffering for you. Forget about him, he's not interested enough, because if a man is interested truly he'll do anything he has to do to be with you. What you have to do is be able to get on, move forward and find someone else who has as much interest aS you do, and that's hard. What you're going through is incredibly painful, I know.
Posted by coachdee on October 24, 2005, at 21:09:22
In reply to Re: Lovers or friends or nothing? » coachdee, posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 17:29:41
Yes, I do have people I could talk to, but they don't know about him. They know we are friends,but no one would ever suspect anything about us. We made sure of that. It just seems really messed up that he doesn't respect me enough to speak to me about what is goin on.
COachdee
Posted by Susan47 on October 25, 2005, at 20:45:23
In reply to Re: Lovers or friends or nothing?, posted by coachdee on October 24, 2005, at 21:09:22
Why were you keeping it a secret?
Posted by coachdee on October 30, 2005, at 22:20:48
In reply to Re: Lovers or friends or nothing? » coachdee, posted by Susan47 on October 25, 2005, at 20:45:23
We were keeping a secret for many different reasons...but the main one was that he was already in a committed relationship. Yes, I did know that he was in a relationship, but I guess I just needed the attention that he was willing to give at the time. I know I shouldn't have done it, but now the part that I miss the most is the fact that I feel like I dont 'have my big brother anymore, because that's how well we got along before all this went bad.
Coachdee
Posted by Susan47 on November 1, 2005, at 18:15:47
In reply to Re: Lovers or friends or nothing? » Susan47, posted by coachdee on October 30, 2005, at 22:20:48
Sounds like you had a recipe for pain.
I'm sorry.
This is the end of the thread.
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