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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kya on November 1, 2005, at 16:25:06
How do I start the process of forgiving a lying, cheating lover. Its been three months since I discovered the truth, and parted ways, but I still feel so down and used everyday. Each day I realize another lie he feed me, and it feels like my body is dying all over again (like the day I found out). I try to call this person, hoping I'll find extreme guilt, but he doesn't even admit his ways. I still find myself wanting to protect him, when others talk badly of him. What's wrong with me?
Posted by Declan on November 2, 2005, at 13:28:44
In reply to Cheating lover, posted by Kya on November 1, 2005, at 16:25:06
You'd love him to be penitent, and then you could forgive him, and then....(happily ever after?)
You don't feel like having an affair yourself, I guess?
Anyway I wouldn't grovel to him. You could wait until you have sex (If you do) and try to introduce all your feelings of hurt into the mix so that they are filled out and require expression (Might be too like Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?) I'm the last person who should give advice (doesn't stop me) but I'd wait for the tender moment and tell him you love him (at least partly) because he was unfaithful, because he hasn't apologised. You just find his approach to all this very liberating. (This may well be unwise.) You admire his ruthlessness. Somewhere in here you might find something you can say that's true for you and stays one step ahead of him and where he thinks you're at.
Declan
Posted by Declan on November 2, 2005, at 13:38:45
In reply to Cheating lover, posted by Kya on November 1, 2005, at 16:25:06
Now I've read your post properly. You don't even speak to him. There's not much you can do then. I would say to myself that trying to protect him is a reflection of the best of us both (in some way or other, amongst other things etc), my missing him was a good thing, just accept the pain and try to live with it. Don't bother trying to hate him, it'll hurt you more, and it's not worth throwing the baby out with the bathwater. There was something good for you there once (no matter how young, how misguided), wasn't there?
Declan
Posted by Susan47 on November 19, 2005, at 10:12:50
In reply to Cheating lover, posted by Kya on November 1, 2005, at 16:25:06
Do something to boost your self-esteem.
This is the end of the thread.
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