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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 20:59:24
Because my mother's a hoarder, she's having trouble with the whole flood thing. She wanted to totally replace the walls in a room with minimal clutter, without removing the flooded adjoining sheetrock in a room full to the ceiling, because she needs to move stuff out of there first.
But you can't do that!!!
You'll ended up with mold growing from the wet rotted moldy sheetrock onto the brand new stuff, unless you remove that too.
ARRRRGGHHHHH
How am I going to get through this?!! I just can't leave her to screw it all up because I'm responsible for my father's ownership share.
She's just impossible. She somehow wants to spend lots of money and replace everything without throwing anything out. And she CAN'T DO THAT. Not only is it logistically impossible, but the stuff on the floor was in water, and the mold probably has grown up that stuff to the stuff above the water line by now. Although to be totally fair, I don't see any mold. Just mildew.
Sigh.
I hate to turn her in. And I'm too scared of her to just go in and throw away her stuff, which my brother has threatened to do. But he won't. He's too scared of her too.
Any suggestions?
She says all the right things, but I don't think she's going to follow through.
Posted by crazy teresa on February 9, 2006, at 21:21:22
In reply to Arghhhhhh, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 20:59:24
Not that I want your mom to get into trouble, but would turning her in be the best solution to the problem? By that I mean having it taken out of her hands (as well as your brother's and yours) and having a 3rd party doing the deciding and seeing that it's done right?
Mold can be deadly. Couldn't it show up later, even though it's not there yet, as things continue to naturally decay? This is not just a power trip about you getting her to throw stuff out; there could be very real health concerns.
I don't say this lightly. I had to have my mother committed at one point, for her own well-being. I empathize with the struggles you must be experiencing.
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 22:05:14
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » Dinah, posted by crazy teresa on February 9, 2006, at 21:21:22
I really am impressed at your courage. It's been suggested to me from time to time that I have a legal interdiction because of her spending, but I've never had the nerve to start a path that would bankrupt her just as surely in legal fees.
Or at least that's what I tell myself to justify my rank cowardice.
Sigh. I'm not sure that right now, with all the troubles everyone's having, if I could find someone who would be willing to take on one stubborn homeowner. :(
I did turn her in to the social services associated with Daddy's hospice, so that I could ensure he was properly cared for.
I guess I could at least find out if she needs a building permit. That would involve an inspector, I think. So that things like enclosing mold in the new walls would be frowned on. And the government would at least know about the safety hazard her hoarding has long been, of course multiplied by mold and whatever goes with rot now.
Posted by crazy teresa on February 9, 2006, at 22:25:56
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » crazy teresa, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 22:05:14
Thanks for your kind words, but don't be impressed. When it comes down to your mother deciding she has to kill your brother in order to save the world because he is Satan, there's no bravado involved. It's more like being scared sh*tless.
And it helped that she was arrested for driving over 100 mph. through town. Thankfully, we were able to skip the whole legal system battle, because she was transfered from the police station directly to the psych ward once I signed the papers along with the arresting officer. The judge pushed it right on through. She didn't fight it.
God works things out for us when we don't know what to do, but it's certainly never the way we expect. Just another confirmation in my belief that He has a completely bizzare sense of humor! ;~}
If it's that bad at your mom's, could it be condemned? Perhaps it would be easier to start from scratch in her case... I'm so sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else.
Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2006, at 9:48:04
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » Dinah, posted by crazy teresa on February 9, 2006, at 22:25:56
Yes. If someone's safety is at issue it's easier to decide.
Although I suppose hers is in a way, if she ends up living with moldy rooms.
I decided to speak to the people who are helping her redo the house. She insists on hiring relatives who have no experience rather than a licensed and insured contractor who does this for a living. Which really drives me batty - especially since she's already admitted what I said all along, that the first relative put the sheetrock in backwards or upside down or something and she has to redo it. But at least I know who they are and can speak quietly to them about the importance of not enclosing one wall with the moldy one still adjoining.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 10, 2006, at 13:57:20
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » crazy teresa, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2006, at 9:48:04
It could be a real problem when she tries to sell, too.
Don't things like that have to be disclosed to the buyer? I know there are rules of some sort - the real estate ads there pretty much all state what kind of water damage, if any, was done - and what has been done to fix it.
Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2006, at 17:47:33
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 10, 2006, at 13:57:20
That's why I'm going to have to check into whether or not she needs to get a building permit, and therefore an inspection ok'ing the work.
I'm guessing that she does. I'll do my best to find out.
I went over her head to the people actually doing the work, and warned them about it.
She's never going to sell (unless forced to in bankruptcy), so it doesn't matter to her. :(
Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2006, at 17:51:37
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 10, 2006, at 13:57:20
To make matters worse, I found out that she lied to me at least once about what was and wasn't damaged to get something she wanted done, even though there was no damage.
I don't mind too much as long as she repairs the actual damage first. The insurance money will only stretch so far.
I hate that I have to be this way with my mother. But I'm going to have to use control of at least some of the purse strings to make sure she spends the money at least wisely enough to get what absolutely has to be done done. Then if there's anything left she can make upgrades.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 22:10:38
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2006, at 17:51:37
Dinah,
One thing that might help is to argue that by sheet-rocking over previous sheet-rock, she's giving up alot of space.
As anal as I am, I figured out that if they use 1/2" sheet-rock, over 1/2" sheet-rock, and with 10'x8' walls, she will be losing 3.3 cubic feet per wall of space in the room. (not counting windows and doors). That could be 10 cubic feet of space in the room. Also, going over old sheet-rock makes the trim of the doors and windows and baseboard look really bad.
So, you can mention aesthetic and space. Not that this will necessarily mean much, but it's something tangible. Along with the mold which can be deadly. Mold has a nasty way of creeping through seams in sheet-rock. If you can't change her mind, maybe you can at least take steps to insure that the mold is eliminated. (This might cost more than replacing the sheet-rock). A good web site with instructions to do this effectively is here:
http://www.buildings.com/Articles/detail.asp?ArticleID=2285
They recommend even replacing affected heating ducts rather than fogging. Mold is a problem though, and you're right to be concerned. I hope you can convince her to do it right.
Blessings,
Dee
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2006, at 12:07:21
In reply to Re: Arghhhhhh, posted by deirdrehbrt on February 11, 2006, at 22:10:38
Thanks Dee.
I can't believe it, but it sounds like she's decided to do the right thing. She's got my brother and uncle in the front room throwing out rotted stuff and moving the rest so she can pull out the walls and carpeting. I know they probably were adding their voice to mine.
I knew she knew that it had to be done (deep down), but I wasn't at all sure she would decide to actually do it without some outside intervention.
Whew.
This is the end of the thread.
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