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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crazy teresa on May 23, 2006, at 8:39:23
good expectations at all, I might as well go flush them down the toilet?
Feeling very tired of all the passive-agressive b*llshit I get from him.
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 11:14:31
In reply to Why is it that at each occasion, if I have any, posted by crazy teresa on May 23, 2006, at 8:39:23
> good expectations at all, I might as well go flush them down the toilet?
>
> Feeling very tired of all the passive-agressive b*llshit I get from him.He needs to be retrained. But, he has to want to learn new ways to communicate. It is a process, like anything else.
If he wants to work on it, then you can help him learn new skills. Counsellors that specialize in couples probably have a good idea of just how to efficiently manage that learning.
Lar
Posted by Declan on May 23, 2006, at 12:20:22
In reply to Re: Why is it that at each occasion, if I have any » crazy teresa, posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 11:14:31
Hi CT
What is passive aggression? Is it a sneaky way of being nasty?
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 12:46:21
In reply to Re: Why is it that at each occasion, if I have any, posted by Declan on May 23, 2006, at 12:20:22
> Hi CT
> What is passive aggression? Is it a sneaky way of being nasty?Acting like X isn't a problem, and expressing that suppressed thing as Y.
Exampla gratia, hubbie took over the TV when the wife had a different show in mind, so the next morning she serves him burnt toast and overdone eggs. It ain't about the food.
It's difficult to sort out, sometimes, because it can even be an unconscious act. Finding the root problem requires effort and insight. Fighting over the food isn't going to fix the power struggle over the television set. In many cases, it actually sets up a recurrence.
Lar
Posted by Declan on May 23, 2006, at 14:54:18
In reply to Re: Why is it that at each occasion, if I have any » Declan, posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 12:46:21
Well, let's say:
"If you had not monopolised the TV, I would not have burnt the toast."
"I would not have monopolised the TV, if you had not burnt the toast yesterday."
This sounds a bit like politics. (I have "Blowback" in mind.)
Like a cycle of revenge and mistrust?
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 16:02:50
In reply to The root problem » Larry Hoover, posted by Declan on May 23, 2006, at 14:54:18
> Well, let's say:
>
> "If you had not monopolised the TV, I would not have burnt the toast."
>
> "I would not have monopolised the TV, if you had not burnt the toast yesterday."
>
> This sounds a bit like politics. (I have "Blowback" in mind.)
>
> Like a cycle of revenge and mistrust?You have made it overt. Almost always, this is covert. Hidden. Simmering below the surface.
He left the lid off the toothpaste again! Simmersimmersimmer. She maxed out the credit card! Simmersimmersimmer.
I think everybody is passive-aggressive, to some degree. Dragging it out into the open, where it can be looked at in the bright light of day, that is the challenge.
Yes, politics is passive-aggressive. And a couple of other things, too.
The thing is making the link between the acting-out behaviour, and the REAL trigger. That is the tough part. Even if you know you're the one doing it, it isn't necessarily easy to find the underlying stimulus(i).
Lar
Posted by crazy teresa on May 29, 2006, at 0:34:52
In reply to Re: Why is it that at each occasion, if I have any » crazy teresa, posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 11:14:31
Maybe his next wife could do that...
PMSCT
Posted by ron1953 on May 31, 2006, at 5:27:57
In reply to Re: retraining » Larry Hoover, posted by crazy teresa on May 29, 2006, at 0:34:52
...don't usually know they're passive-aggressive. I lived with one for almost 30 years. She didn't know it and couldn't see it, despite a counselor. Hope you two can make progress.
Ron
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 31, 2006, at 8:21:46
In reply to Passive-Aggresive people...., posted by ron1953 on May 31, 2006, at 5:27:57
> ...don't usually know they're passive-aggressive. I lived with one for almost 30 years. She didn't know it and couldn't see it, despite a counselor. Hope you two can make progress.
>
> RonI concur. It is so much a part of some people's normal, that they can't separate it out to have a look see.
Lar
This is the end of the thread.
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