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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 10:03:28
I recently took a 24 hour babble-break. That might not sound like a lot, but it gave me a chance to cool down, take a deep breath and do some reality-checking. I used that opportunity to connect IRL to 4 important people. The 4 main men in my life. Husband, Brothers, Dad. I figured out what's what. I had four very interesting conversations.
The brothers I spoke with for the first time about my mental illness. That relationship lesson was about trust. Do I trust these guys to handle my situation with sensitivity and caring? Do I trust them enough to make them part of my social support? Do I trust them not to abuse my emotions or bully me as they have in the past? Well, the only way to find out is to give them a chance. So far so good. I even found out that my older brother was on Li for a while. Apparently there's now schizophrenia, Major Depression, AND Bipolar in my immediate family. Good to know, though. I'm not sure when my older brother grew into a supportive guy. He always struck me as extremely volatile, inconsistent, full of rage, and narcissistic. So, maybe this is a new page in our relationship. I trust him, and he doesn't use me as a punching bag- a tool to manipulate my parents. I really hope so.
I spoke with my husband about the meaning of fidelity. I showed him some of my writings, since I don't often show him that side of me, which tends to have freer expression of emotion. We decided to send each other more letters & e-mails, and I learned the importance of listening to my heart when it comes to fidelity - if we felt we were true, we were true. Only our *own* actions can make us feel guilty, not the drunken gropings of a stranger in a bar, or the uncomfort of having an amourous co-worker.
My dad I spoke with about whatever his Wernicke's aphasia brought to mind. Bridge, blue clarinets, conspiracy theories. That relationship lesson is about patience. Patience with a capital P. And forgiveness. He doesn't remember anything. Expecting an apology, or even a fleeting guilty thought is fruitless. The past is opaque to him. A void. Is his brain damage a gift? I don't know. I really don't.
Posted by curtm on June 20, 2006, at 22:24:07
In reply to Reconnecting (mild bully abuse trigger?), posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 10:03:28
Very touching. Very insightful. One day at a time. One moment at a time. One emotion at a time. You know I am thinking a lot more than I say. I like where you are coming from here.
Curt
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 22:34:31
In reply to Re: Reconnecting (mild bully abuse trigger?) » llrrrpp, posted by curtm on June 20, 2006, at 22:24:07
Thanks curt,
I appreciate it. Relationships are a lot of work.
Funny how my older brother and I never talked about this major event (his hospitalization that lasted over a year, and nearly caused his death, multiple times) until last night, huh? And yet, when we did talk, it felt so natural. like I was talking to my brother. Wait. hmmm. I guess this is where we have to just let it happen. Can't force it. That particular wine took 15 years to mature. Now it's finally matured. (hopefully?!?) Perfect Bordeaux to go with my filet mignon (the cute one) and raspberry sorbet, huh? ... fading off into seroquel induced stupor... skdfalsdf.s.laeinf...ciao bello
(curtm)
seroquel makes me huggy? I don't know. I was hugging all over the psychology board a few minutes ago. huggy lurpsie.
This is the end of the thread.
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