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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joan797 on July 4, 2006, at 2:16:48
Oh well, there's no rest for the mourning.
No rest for the down-trodded.
No rest for the weak and tired.Funny how life just goes on.
I was told to stay home today instead of working on cleaning up my Father's estate.
I was told to clean the house for the ever popular 4th bash in honor of our nations's and my son's birthday.
After all, Mr. Man's family plus will be in attendance. All with open arms for the free food, free entertainment, and free advice and scorn while glancing at my neverending glass of wine.
Nevermind that for the past 9 months I haven't been home enough to make the Dm mess.
Nevermind that I have had absolutely no help in maintaining the homeplace from the 3 spawns of my wilted loins, or the pathetic excuse for a life partner who sleeps in my bed.
Nevermind that I am bone weary from an exhausting ordeal.Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.
Just pop some more of Mother's Little Helpers, and you'll do just fine.
Why haven't you waxed the floors yet?
Are you mad at me?
We're going out to eat.
We're going to buy fireworks, see ya later.
Why aren't you talking?
Are you mad at me?
I haven't done anything.
Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock, you'll get no arguement from me there.
So here I am, 2:00 in the morning, still cleaning. Everyone else nestled in their beds, with dreams of new messes to make, and a Mommy who cleans it all.
Yeah, ain't it grand. That's life in the big fat family/marriage I like to call HELL.
Posted by wildcardII on July 4, 2006, at 11:11:28
In reply to Time to Get Over It, posted by Joan797 on July 4, 2006, at 2:16:48
***I haven't done anything.
****Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock, you'll get no argument from me there.
~one of my absolute favorite smart*ss truths!!!
Posted by KayLen on July 8, 2006, at 14:45:43
In reply to Time to Get Over It, posted by Joan797 on July 4, 2006, at 2:16:48
Hi, Joan
Gosh you have alot to contend with, I ran away from that same kinda stuff .. maybe as bad in its own way ...but I think the biggest difference is you seem very mad ...very angry..is it from what your being dealt....or because your choosing to deal with it as unfair as it is? I am one who used to blame everyone eles for MY life ...and how bad it was...I know now that I am not a victim or a hostage unless I allow it ...so now I hold myself hostage...*smile*...very true now that I look at it. Maybe your doing that also?
I discoverd that I was the only one responcible for my life..it was hard to take responsibility for such a terrible spot I was in...because to do that meant now I HAVE TO DO something about it ..I had to stop blaming someone else and stop dweling on the negative...and begin my search for a solution..and thats where I am now ...ive just come out of a desparate silence...and have begun a search for a solution. Right here in this forum..hopefully you and all of us can find our way on this road of travel that we call life. AND may it become a happy road for you ...PEACE
kaylen
ps. It is funny how the same sayings get turned around from people to people ...I always was told
There is NO rest for the wicked. *S*
Posted by Joan797 on July 9, 2006, at 9:28:01
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » Joan797, posted by KayLen on July 8, 2006, at 14:45:43
Your post made me cry. I have sat here and cried for quite a while now. I don't know how to fix this. I have been caring for my dying father for the past 9 months and stayed with him many nights. During that time I feel as if I lost my family and my marriage failed even further. Now that Dad is gone, I can't seem to reclaim my home, family or former life. It seems as if there was always something that kept me from having control over my own situation. Before Dad's situation, there was work for a failing company that monopolized all my time for 12 years. Before that, raising children seemed to cause me to lose myself and allow my husband to take over and control my former personality.
I guess you are saying that I am a victim because I chose to be and only I can change things. I know that. It's easier to blame others and wallow in my own sadness than to change things. I just don't know how to change them. I don't know how to take control of my life. I don't know how to be my own person. I don't know how to stop expecting and start asking. I need help in so many ways.
Posted by wildcardII on July 9, 2006, at 10:04:44
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » KayLen, posted by Joan797 on July 9, 2006, at 9:28:01
***I guess you are saying that I am a victim because I chose to be and only I can change things. I know that. It's easier to blame others and wallow in my own sadness than to change things. I just don't know how to change them. I don't know how to take control of my life. I don't know how to be my own person. I don't know how to stop expecting and start asking. I need help in so many ways.
~That is the 1st step and you've taken it...
Posted by KayLen on July 9, 2006, at 16:57:52
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » KayLen, posted by Joan797 on July 9, 2006, at 9:28:01
Joan,
I know ....I think just how you feel ...I feel as if my family was taken from me while I was very ill....it came in the guise of "HELP" for me and my family. I can't even begin to tell anyone about it because the this person comes across as so innocent {except to me} that my own family thinks Ive got a persecution complex going or that im paranoid. She isn't as interested in making me look so terrible anymore because she ran me out of my own home...I am in the same spot ...I don't know how to get my family back...I get so fustrated and hopeless sometimes that I feel like giving up on them...thinking if they could let me go so easily who needs them??..and just saying that..is making me cry....I am doing the only thing i know to ask for help at this time and that is right here in writting to you and reading and others too. Yes your not a victim NOW..BUT...is it your fault when curcumstances out of your control don't go well for you?..I don't think so ..as soon as it is known ..what is happening..then staying in the problem is your choice...and I wish I had the wisdom to tell you what to do ...because then I could also help myself. All the things you said you don't know?..I don't either for me ..I can relate pefectly. I have been trying for a long time at the same time I seem to be unable to control myself and I say things to my husband "OH ..so how is my life going now??...I hope your having enough fun for us both!!.....As much as my mind knows it is my fault I haven't been able to get over what been done to me...my heart still blames him for the deep betrayal. That could be why I can't find my way out ...because I am truly still blaming him. but I think also Is it MY fault?? ...was I wrong to trust and believe??...because thats what I did..I was wronged...and I have to pay the price for someone doing me wrong??...I must be getting bitter and that scares the begeebers out of me. were going to get better...we are searching ..I believe we find what we search for ....so most of the time I try to look for good. Do you have any support from anyone? At this point I don't. I have new pals ..where I am but as far as support goes they couldn't even understand the mess im in. I know that is so very important. My Mom was the only person who could see what was going on...and she died over a year ago. Things will work out for you ...just try not to let to much time pass...sometimes im feeling that I have wasted so much of my life..I would not like to see you or anyone in that spot.
I hope that you get all of the best of what life has to offer...don't give up!!
PEACE
Kaylen
Posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:44:10
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » Joan797, posted by wildcardII on July 9, 2006, at 10:04:44
But it desn't mean anything if you can't take the next, or the next or the next.
Posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:48:10
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » Joan797, posted by KayLen on July 9, 2006, at 16:57:52
It helps to know people understand, but until I get up the nerve to really do something about all the crap in my life, it's not going to change. I just don't know when that "fed up" moment will be. Maybe it will never come.
Posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:49:02
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It, posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:48:10
Posted by wildcardII on July 11, 2006, at 6:11:04
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It » wildcardII, posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:44:10
but you can, you just feel so overwhelmed in the same cycle that you don't see it...
i was in a really bad situation being a single mom w/ no family, money, place to go, etc.. i felt so lost and scared and trapped. i took the first step and then had doubts like always but every time a negative "i can't do this' thought wld. creep in my head i would get rid of it w/ an "i CAN do this and no one will stop me but me". it wasn't easy at all. self doubt, fear, etc., all tried and tried to take over but somehow i fought back and just did the next step and the next and now i look back and once i did what i had to, i was the happiest i've ever been. i realized *i* could do it, even w/ the negative feedback of, "you'll fail"... it's just as easy to convince ourselves that we 'can' do something than it is to convince ourselves we 'can't'. unfortunately a lot of us come from pasts that never helped us to believe in ourselves much. that's where i still tell myself to this day that I AM NOT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME BUT WHAT I CHOOSE TO BECOME...that is a favorite of mine. hang in there
Posted by KayLen on July 11, 2006, at 12:16:23
In reply to Re: Time to Get Over It, posted by Joan797 on July 10, 2006, at 23:48:10
> It will come . Youve already set it all in motion. Your taking steps right this second to making your situation and life better. your going to make it!!...Have some patience with yourself, it took along time to get in this mess I bet...it can't be fixed overnite Joan. There is a saying that is so right on target.."If you keep doing what your doing you will keep getting what your getting"...and that goes full circle back to its all up to you!..keep the faith and be patient ..cut yourself some slack...no one else seems to.BUT Don't get caught in the trap of wasting time by thinking it will get better by itself. forgive the cliches here but ive got another I like "the definition of "INSANITY" is "When you keep doing the same things ....and expecting diferent results"...which is saying the same thing as the first one ....and believe me as I write to you?..im telling myself the same thing ..I believe we have all the answers to everything inside of us...we are all different so we need diferent ways to bring the answers to the surface. For most it takes pain ..so much pain they must choose a different path...don't do that if you can help it. {and you can help it}
PEACE
Kaylen
It helps to know people understand, but until I get up the nerve to really do something about all the crap in my life, it's not going to change. I just don't know when that "fed up" moment will be. Maybe it will never come.
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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