![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by neilkramer on October 28, 2006, at 11:44:26
I'm in a relationship right now with a lovely girl who drinks too much and doesn't realize it. She's presently in the cutting down phase, but if this is cutting down, it's pretty depressing. She's really funny, cute, smart, and nice, but, before meeting me, she had been drinking like this for years, on top of mental health issues - OCD, social anxiety, depression, fatigue - and her life is a mess. Her car looks like a baglady's car, and her apartment seems uninhabitable. I haven't been in it for more than a year. She has traffic tickets that she hasnt dealt with. She can't really deal with anything, and claims things are hard for her because of her social anxiety, but she doesn't have any difficulty going to the bar. I've been with her for a year and a half, and I've let her become somewhat financially dependent on me, and she thinks I'm the one. She just dated a number of lousy guys before me, so anyone would look good in her eyes. I wish there was someway for her to fall in love with someone else, because she's so emotionally vulnerable, and sweet, that the idea of breaking her heart is intolerable. It's like I have a child that I can't abandon. We just aren't a good match. I don't like to drink. Is there some easy way to get of a relationship like this?
Posted by Jost on October 30, 2006, at 22:25:15
In reply to How does someone end a relationship?, posted by neilkramer on October 28, 2006, at 11:44:26
There's no easy way to end a relationship, nk. Even if the ending is mutual, it's a sad and difficult thing.
Even more so when it's not. Of course, it's probably harder on the person who's being left, but still, that doesn't make it easy for you.
If what you're really asking is what you owe the woman you're seeing, I'd say honesty, within the limits of caring and support-- ie saying whatever you say in a sensitive way-- .
That, and perhaps picking the right time-- not in terms of some other month-- but at a moment when she's sober, and she has enough time to get whatever answers she needs.
Maybe you also owe it to her to stay away-- not to intrude on her space afterward and not to give mixed messages out of guilt. Ultimately, you'll break up with her, and what seems like kindness, in prolonging the evitable, can really be destructive in many ways.
The one thing you don't owe her is a relationship that you don't want to be in.
It's hard to let go-- but if this isn't right for you, you have the right to end it.
Sorry it's turned out this way.
Jost
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.