![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Asya on October 29, 2006, at 15:31:21
I hope someone can give me some realistic non-judgemental advice on this issue. I am 28 and single. I have dated but never been in a long term relationship. Until recently, my close college friends were also in this situation (single and never really been in LT relationships) and because of that, we had a lot to bond over, as well as a lot of time for one another. We also all shared certain opinions/theories about men and relationships. It felt comfortable to share somewhat non traditional views with these women in my life.
In the past year, all of them have suddenly found the loves of their lives and suddenly, their views have changed, their lives have changed. I truly feel like they have lost their ability to empathize with me and my being single. I won't lie, I am also jealous of them and have become depressed over being the last single friend. I never thought this would happen.
As a result, I have distanced myself from these friends. I told one that I simply needed my space because I needed time to evaluate my own life (which is certainly true), and have also painted a picture of my life as busy with career (also not a lie, I am a doctor) -- so as to avoid speaking to them much. I have never let on that I am not 100% happy for them and their new lives.
I want to be clear that I haven't cut off ties, just distanced myself to really protect myself from pain. Please advise, is this ridiculously unhealthy or naturaL? How else can I manage the pain of being single amidst close friends suddenly finding love? I sometimes feel I will patheitcally drown in my own jealousy and I don't want to be like this. Still, life seems so unfair, why can't I find someone too?
Posted by Jost on October 30, 2006, at 22:40:37
In reply to Single gal jealous of friends in relationships, posted by Asya on October 29, 2006, at 15:31:21
Hi, Asya.
I can't say whether it's healthy per se, although I don't imagine that distancing yourself from people will be good in the long term.
Perhaps you also feel left out, since your friends are less available--so some of the pain is that of rejection, as well as envy-- And perhaps they find it harder to empathize (or identify with) your feelings of skepticism or perhaps ambivalence about relationships. So this is a real loss for you-- as well as a marker that you are not accomplishing something (or finding something) that you value.
On the off-chance that you have some personal struggles--things from your past that make relationships with men difficult (otherwise why would you be on a site called psychobabble?)-- I'd encourage you to consider therapy.
It could help a lot to explore your own psyche in that way--much more than talking to friends -- who understand, but may not be able to really help you understand, or work on, whatever's in the way.
Friends are great-- don't get me wrong-- crucial-- but sometimes it takes someone who's thought about how people change and grow-- and how people come to be as they are-- and who knows you perhaps more deeply than even friends may-- to make real changes in direction.
If you're a physician, you perhaps have resources for referrals-- and I think that might be the way to go.
Jost
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.