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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by khfreibe on December 19, 2006, at 6:32:38
Does anyone else find it hard to be married with this illness?
Posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 9:40:49
In reply to bi-polar and being married, posted by khfreibe on December 19, 2006, at 6:32:38
Are you finding it hard to be married while having the bipolar disorder yourself?
Or are you married to someone who is bipolar?Ren
Posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 10:47:51
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married » khfreibe, posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 9:40:49
> Are you finding it hard to be married while having the bipolar disorder yourself?
> Or are you married to someone who is bipolar?
>
> Ren
I am married and I am Bi-polar. I am having a really hard time dealing with every day issues my husband has with me. I feel like this is me, and if he doesn't like it he needs to let go and let me find peace. 90% of my stress is due to my marriage, and I just don't know if its worth it anymore.Thanks, Kim
Posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 11:32:18
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married, posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 10:47:51
I feel for you. I suffer from depression and that's it. Don't have a relationship but my father seems to think the reason for that is b/c of the way I am.
I can only try to imagine what it's like to be mentally/emotionally healthy and live w/ someone who has a mental disorder. When your mind functions properly, you have healthy thoughts, your emotions don't go crazy w/ you in tow (God I wish I knew what that was like). This is what it's like for them, but they cannot fathom what it is like to be us. So, I speculate that two opposites (I assume your husband isn't bipolar or anything else) who are together has got to take a lot of effort and patience and a LOT of understanding on both sides. Both would have to realize that your minds function in very different ways, you see the world from different perspectives.
From your post it almost sounds like your husband focuses on your disorder? Does he place blame on you for the problems between you? I would feel stressed out too if someone was always ganging up on me b/c of something I couldn't help.
Best wishes,
Ren
Posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 12:47:29
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married » khfreibe, posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 11:32:18
It is hard. He is constantly saying how supportive he is but he really isn't, not when it counts anyway. If we disagree on something he will tell me that I am f*****g crazy, or nuts. He asks me every day almost if I have taken my fruit loop medicine. If I am in a bad mood or if I try to confront him with something he's done that bothers me he tells me I need to go take some more medicine. He cannot even begin to speculate on how it feels to be me. I think there is something wrong with him, or he wouldn't act like he does. And I love him so much and I am so in love with him, and the good times are absolutely amazing, I don't think anyone else in the world has what we have when things are good. I can't see myself ever loving anyone else after him, but I just get scared that things are never going to change and that he will continue to see everything as my fault and not learn to accept this as an illness, just as if I had cancer or something. It breaks my heart.
Posted by madeline on December 21, 2006, at 13:20:18
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married, posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 12:47:29
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_helping
This is a link from a very good webpage about bipolar disorders and offers help for people that love them.
There is a very good PDF on that page that you could print out and give to him.
Living with someone with bipolar is difficult. My mom is bipolar and to be honest, we had a rough go of it. It requires a lot of patience and understanding on the part of both parties.
Getting him additional support in the form of a group situation or even therapy for him might not be a bad idea.
Maddie
Posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 14:29:26
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married, posted by madeline on December 21, 2006, at 13:20:18
I looked up the page and printed the PDF. Thank you both so much for your support. I feel hopeful with this new support, hopefully it will last.
Posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 23:20:22
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married, posted by khfreibe on December 21, 2006, at 12:47:29
> It is hard. He is constantly saying how supportive he is but he really isn't, not when it counts anyway. If we disagree on something he will tell me that I am f*****g crazy, or nuts. He asks me every day almost if I have taken my fruit loop medicine. If I am in a bad mood or if I try to confront him with something he's done that bothers me he tells me I need to go take some more medicine.<
Okay first of all, he needs to STOP making light of your disorder. "Fruit loop medicine"? Unless you came up w/ that name first, I'd be pretty pissed if I were you. That's down right disrespectful. I mean, a friend of mine will sometimes call my antidepressants happy pills but I called them that originally. Plus he doesn't tell me to go take one whenever I'm upset about something. Girl, you're a strong one if you don't lash out when your husband tells you to go take your meds because you're upset or bothered. Just reading that even made me want to smack him. ;) And this man claims to love you? He should think about that before he opens his mouth the next time you're upset.
How do you approach him when you are bothered? I know that if something really upset me, I take some time first to mellow out, then in a composed, rational manner I inform whomever of what my problem is with them. In my limited experience w/ bipolars, composure is not usually their forte. (Just had a bipolar coworker walk out on his job after less than 3 months b/c he was advised about being rude to others. He had a 8 mo. pregnant 20 yr old wife at home who then lost the baby the very next day. Something tells me his unmedicated bipolar ways stressed her out a little too much. This was his 3rd job in 6 months!) Anyway, if you do go to him rationally with whatever problems you have with him and he pulls that line on you then maybe you could remind him that even though you're bipolar and your emotions can sometimes go off the charts, you still have a right to your feelings. And if he's done something to hurt them, whether you overreact or not, he needs to pay attention to the action that brought on the hurt feelings to begin with. And, in loving you as much as you love him, hopefully, he will want to do whatever he can to make things better for you. Because, let's face it... if it's better for you, then in the long run it's gonna be better for him too. :)
I just got through writing something about couples where one has a disorder and the other doesn't and how difficult it is for each side to see things like the other. Don't know, maybe it might help.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/715407.html
I'm rooting for ya girl. Hang in there.
Ren
Posted by khfreibe on December 22, 2006, at 11:15:13
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married » khfreibe, posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 23:20:22
I am printing this out and taking it to him, without telling him that it was in response to something I wrote. This is exactly what he needs to hear.
I used to be your bi-polar co-worker, but I have worked on healing, and I am a healthier version now. I would say that 78-84% of the time I approach issues the way they should be.. but it doesn't matter, it always gets turned around on me, so that part I am doing.
Thanks for your help, maybe you can talk to me some more this week. I am either going to get the tools I need to fix this marriage or the strength, brains, courage, whatever it is I need to remove myself from it.. I just need people to stay here for me and not to abandon me when I don't make the decision they think I should make.. you have to have the right tools to climb a mountain, and that's what I'm here for, to get the tools and learn how to use them.
Posted by LJRen on December 22, 2006, at 23:43:57
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married, posted by khfreibe on December 22, 2006, at 11:15:13
> I am printing this out and taking it to him, without telling him that it was in response to something I wrote. This is exactly what he needs to hear.
>Wow, I'm really flattered. I hope he got something out of it. I take it you printed the linked message & not my response to your post. He would've recognized his words in my response wouldn't he?
> I used to be your bi-polar co-worker, but I have worked on healing, and I am a healthier version now. I would say that 78-84% of the time I approach issues the way they should be.. but it doesn't matter, it always gets turned around on me, so that part I am doing.
>So glad to hear you've gotten better. You must be really proud, you should be. Too bad your past behavior & disorder are used against you today despite the work you've done and how you've changed. That's an underhanded way to avoid taking responsibility of one's own actions. Of course, in my dealings w/ men, (and I'm not sexist here - just my prevalent observations) they have a really hard time admitting when they're wrong. Something to do w/ their egos I think.
> Thanks for your help, maybe you can talk to me some more this week. I am either going to get the tools I need to fix this marriage or the strength, brains, courage, whatever it is I need to remove myself from it.. I just need people to stay here for me and not to abandon me when I don't make the decision they think I should make.. you have to have the right tools to climb a mountain, and that's what I'm here for, to get the tools and learn how to use them.
Sure, I'll be happy to talk w/ you anytime. I understand the need to have consistent support. I recently had my best friend disappear on me with barely a word explaining why. Having a few other major stressors going on in my life at that time, his desertion was very bad timing and very devastating. Gave my happy pills a run for their money. Fortunately, the roller coaster ride has come to a stop for now and hopefully I'll have enough sense not to get back on it ever again or at least not for a while. For you, I hope your husband will choose to open his eyes & his heart so that the two of you can work together to make those good times the prevailing ones of your life.
Best wishes,
Ren
Posted by khfreibe on April 25, 2007, at 12:58:54
In reply to Re: bi-polar and being married (nm) » khfreibe, posted by BiPolarLen on April 4, 2007, at 13:26:38
Len, nothing came through on your post. Please post again.
Kim
This is the end of the thread.
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