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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LJRen on December 30, 2006, at 21:22:48
I've finally made up my mind to let go of the man I've had feelings for on & off for the past 12 years. Unfortunately, I currently don't have much of a life and little confidence to get out there to create a life.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting alone, with no phone ringing, fully aware that he's out there busy with plans and having fun. I'm desperately trying to not let it get to me, but my grip is weak. I want so much to release these feelings for him. But I don't know how? How do I move on from the man I've wanted to spend the rest of my life with?
Ren
Posted by karen_kay on December 31, 2006, at 10:16:29
In reply to Anyone have letting go suggestions?, posted by LJRen on December 30, 2006, at 21:22:48
well, i'm assuming there's ar reason you want it to end. perhaps when you're feeling lonely, you can remind yourself of why you need to let go. not much advice to give, but i can tell you that you'll get through it. also, perhaps remind yourself that you deserve a partner as wonderful as you are. that constant reminding may help. then again, it may not help at all. sorry, i'm not much help. but, hang in there.
Posted by LJRen on December 31, 2006, at 11:29:03
In reply to Re: Anyone have letting go suggestions?, posted by karen_kay on December 31, 2006, at 10:16:29
> well, i'm assuming there's ar reason you want it to end. perhaps when you're feeling lonely, you can remind yourself of why you need to let go. not much advice to give, but i can tell you that you'll get through it. also, perhaps remind yourself that you deserve a partner as wonderful as you are. that constant reminding may help. then again, it may not help at all. sorry, i'm not much help. but, hang in there.
Thank you for responding and no, it is helpful.My reason for letting go is, despite his wonderfulness, how well we get along, and all the fun we have together, he just does not love me. I know I'm worth someone who will treasure & adore me and I've done everything I can to make him completely aware of my virtues & talents & everything. But he simply refuses to open his heart up to me.
I believe what separates us is my depression & my negativity from it b/c he is totally the opposite. He is so kind & good to EVERYONE, accepts others & rarely makes any judgement of people, is motivated & has such inner strength, and funny! He is such a force of positive energy, I just love being around him. Not that he's perfect, he does have some issues, they just don't hold him back all that much. While I've got emotional baggage that could fill a 2-car garage that I just can't seem to drop.
I just don't know how to let go of a guy who has so much of what I want in a man and is also the role model of the person I want to be myself.
Posted by karen_kay on January 1, 2007, at 9:22:36
In reply to Re: Anyone have letting go suggestions? » karen_kay, posted by LJRen on December 31, 2006, at 11:29:03
and i'm not (not not not) trying to talk you out of it. but, (take it from the girl who never loves anyone as much as they love her. and god, that really hurts when people say it) isn't love something that will continue to grow over time? all i mean is that if he has many of the aspects you want in a partner (is that right? am i reading wrong? it is new years day, so i can be confused a ll day today!) isn't it worth a try to see if his love can grow?
when i first read your post, i thought you wrote 'and it's not helpful'. i thought 'sheesh, today's jsut not my day'
but, sometimes it takes a while to really open up (my husband just learned last month several 'secrets' about me that just took a while to be able to be honest with him (after several years, he never knew i (shhh) bite my toenails. just imagine how long it will take for me to open up about my feelings to him! but, i love him more each day. (i'm not even certain this is helpful either but maybe he's kinda like me and takes a while (yearas and years) to bwe able to open up. i'm really glad my husband sticks with me, despite my ability to be private and secretive.)
and, have you talkked to him (is that right?) about it?
just fopr argument's sake. it just seems a shame when you fidn someone so close to what you're looking for and feeling like you have to give it up.
Posted by LJRen on January 1, 2007, at 23:50:50
In reply to for argument's sake.... » LJRen, posted by karen_kay on January 1, 2007, at 9:22:36
question is, how long does one wait for love to grow? especially when he claims that he will never love me. (even though he has never given me a reason.)
we dated 12 yrs ago in college. he's had 3 girlfriends since. between each somehow he & I would reunite - but not emotionally for him. when he started dating the 3rd gf, he also did something very hurtful to me in the process, so I wrote him off. however, a few years later, on a fluke, I started chatting w/ him when he appeared online out of the blue. he was very apologetic and I made the choice to let him back into my life.
he's remained single since then, which has been almost 3 years now. but I attribute that to his financial & emotional state b/c he quit a good job to find himself & later decided to start his own business and it hasn't been easy. during all that though, he's been there for me a lot. hours & hours on the phone helping me deal w/ my depression problems. he's traveled out of state to work on my vehicle & help me move. according to him though, he just likes to help people and his actions didn't mean that I was special to him.
I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason. why have we been brought back together 3 times since our initial meeting in college? and after that last gf, I was over him, had no feelings, nothing. so especially why was he brought back into my life this last time? I love him now more than ever, and him returning and continuing not to love me seems like the universe is just trying to torture me. if he is never going to love me, then why couldn't life just have kept him away from me?
i'm sorry to whine on about this guy. a dozen years will do that to ya i guess. and my lack of self-respect is to blame for most of this anyway. any smart girl wouldn't let a guy use her in between every gf. but he's not a total schmuck. he's done so much for me and he makes me feel so good when i'm around him. it's really all very confusing.
thanks,
Ren
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